Taking on the black dog
Living with someone who suffers
from ‘the black dog’, as Winston
Churchill famously dubbed
depression, isn’t always easy. So
Kate Johnston was delighted to
discover a new book in which words
and pictures combine to offer a
wealth of understanding and advice.
Somewhere on every page of
Matthew and Ainsley Johnstone’s
illustrated book, Living with a
Black Dog, you’ll find a picture of the
same sombre creature. Whether the
dog is lying under the bed or doing
its business on someone’s shoe, its
presence says a number of things: that
the black dog is a reality and a part
of everyday life; that it is sometimes
in the centre but often fades into the
background; and, importantly, that the
black dog is somehow separate from
the sufferer.
This last point is vital to helping loved
ones manage the emotional roller
coaster that is depression, says Ainsley. “When someone you love is in a bad place, you have to remind yourself it’s
the depression, not the person,” she
says. “It’s also important to not take their
behaviour personally.”
The Johnstones decided to tackle this
subject after Matthew’s book about
suffering depression, I Had a Black Dog,
received an overwhelming response.
Like its predecessor, the new book
has at its centre Matthew’s wonderful
illustrations and employs an engaging
simplicity to cut through a complex issue
with practical advice and gentle humour.
Ainsley spoke to others in her situation
about their experiences, and discovered
how similar they were to her own. “It’s
hard to see someone you love in pain,”
says Ainsley. “When Matthew was first
diagnosed about 10 years ago, I had no
idea about depression. I just knew it was
something we would have to face together. “I remember when we were living in
New York. We had this wonderful life, wonderful friends –
and Matthew had
a long list of what was wrong. I couldn’t
believe it – to me our life was so great.
Then I thought, ‘Hang on, this is the
depression. I’m not buying into this’.”
Since then, Ainsley has learned much
about what depression is, how it
manifests and how to make sure her own
life doesn’t always revolve around that
black dog lurking in the corner. Time
and again communication comes up as a
way through the dark times – and Ainsley
believes open discussion can be much
easier with an objective person present. “Seeing a doctor together helps get things
off your chest,” says Ainsley. “You can
acknowledge feelings you may not have
been able to. You don’t really want to say, ‘I
hate this’– you want to be supportive. You
have to find a way to express how you feel
without making the other person feel guilty
for making you feel bad.”
Ainsley hopes that the book can help
others open the lines of communication in a
non-confronting way. “Sometimes pictures
can express more than words,” she says. “Some things are tough to approach but
people can easily point to a picture and say, ‘As a caregiver, I feel like that person’.”
One of the biggest frustrations is not
knowing what to do. The book is full of
practical suggestions. “Even cooking a
healthy meal or going for walk together
can shift the mood,” says Ainsley.
Equally important is what not to do.
Using humour, the book approaches
such classic mistakes as pointing out
that there are others worse off or how
lovely the weather is. And with time and
lots of listening, says Ainsley, you’ll both
begin to recognise when the black dog
is sniffing around. “I remember once when Matthew was
in a bad place. He was talking to me – and it clicked! He was saying exactly
the same things every time he got
depressed but it was like it was the first
time he’d experienced it. I told him he’d
said it all before but he had no idea.
These days he’s very good at knowing
his own triggers, such as stress and lack
of sleep. And I can sort of smell
it coming.”
Clearly, the book has been written from
a genuine desire to help. “When our
family members first read it they were
screaming with laughter,” says Ainsley. “I thought, ‘Is that the reaction we want?’
But I think it is important to laugh at
serious things. We’re proud of the book
and hope people get a lot out of it.”
More
Living with a Black Dog
by Matthew and Ainsley Johnstone,
Pan Macmillan 2008, RRP $19.95.
I Had a Black Dog
by Matthew Johnstone, Pan
Macmillan 2005, RRP $16.95.
Web www.ihadablackdog.com
Other useful websites:
www.blackdoginstitute.org.au
www.beyondblue.org.au
www.arafmi.org
www.justask.org.au
www.depressionet.com.au
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