One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, “How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?”
The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, Sir?
We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.”
The amazed father asks “It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?”
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers, “Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer and one of Ken’s Friends.
An introduction to Cadillacs
A man and his wife were driving through the country on their way from Melbourne to Adelaide. Looking at his petrol gauge, he decided to stop at the next petrol station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a BP station and pulls in.
“What can I do for y’all?” asks the attendant.
“Fill ‘er up thanks mate,” replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the car up and down.
“What kinda car is this?” he asks. “I’ve never seen one like it before.”
“Well,” responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, “this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille.”
“What all’s it got in it?” asks the attendant.
“Well,” says the driver, “it has everything. It’s loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, an 8.8 litre V12 engine.”
“Wow,” says the attendant, “that’s really something!”
“How much do I owe you for the petrol?” asks the driver. “That’ll be $68.75,” says the attendant.
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.
“What are those little wooden things?” asks the attendant.
“That’s what I put my balls on when I drive,” says the driver.
“Wow,” says the attendant, “those Cadillac people think of everything!”
A fair exchange
A man has been married for nearly 25 years. The other day he took a look at his wife and said, “Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV… but I got to sleep with a hot 25-year-old blonde every night.
Now, we have a $300,000.00 house, a $50,000.00 car, a nice big bed and plasma screen TV… but I’m sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”
The wife is a very reasonable woman, so she replies “Sweetheart, you go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and I’ll make sure you can once again be ‘living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV’. Sound fair?”
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