No most definitely NO, Mary would be at the whim of the Son and his Partner -- and if they move out then what happens to Mary -- I would suggest she stays where she is and gets on with her life seeing that she is still active -- there is nothing like being fully independent and stay so as long as you can

I once contemplated buying a duplex property and living in one while my then unmarried (and renting) son lived in the other.  Both our circumstances have now changed, both of us with partners, and both of us with our own houses in the same city around 15 or 20 minutes apart.  Works for us. 

I still think the duplex idea was workable, at least while we were both 'single', but like I said circumstances can and do change. Bringing partners into the mix, no matter how well loved they might be changes the landscape completely.

Having said that I have seen one similar arrangement work very well. A mother and son I knew had adjoining houses but on separate blocks. They were literally next door neighbours. That son was married with children and his mother helped out but not excessively.

I wonder if Bob's property is large enough to maybe divide and Mary could build a tiny house 'next door'.  :)  Just gauging his reaction to such a suggestion might be an eye opener lol.  Just kidding .... I think. :)

In my opinion it would be foolhardy for anyone in their seventies to contemplate doing this. I may be totally wrong but on the surface Bob and his partner see a good opportunity for themselves, never mind the toll it could have on the mother. If I were Mary, I would stay in my own home and enjoy all her normal activities, take up new hobbies and avoid stress. 

Thank you everyone for your posts on this issue. You have been very helpful and really raised some very good discussion points!

Thank you everyone for your posts on this issue. You have been very helpful and really raised some very good discussion points!

Hi Breeze,

What have you decided to do?

Hi LJ,

I think everyone has confirmed in their posts what we already suspected - it is not a fair deal at all for Mary. As to what to do- well that obviously gets tricky. Ultimately all involved are adults and it is going to be up to them but my husband is now informed enough to provide support to Mary should she need it in negotiating a decent equitable deal before making any permanent moves. Ideally Bob will have a rethink before this was all to take place and make a much fairer offer and we wouldn't need to say anything but we'll see what happens!

Hi LJ,

I think everyone has confirmed in their posts what we already suspected - it is not a fair deal at all for Mary. As to what to do- well that obviously gets tricky. Ultimately all involved are adults and it is going to be up to them but my husband is now informed enough to provide support to Mary should she need it in negotiating a decent equitable deal before making any permanent moves. Ideally Bob will have a rethink before this was all to take place and make a much fairer offer and we wouldn't need to say anything but we'll see what happens!

It is so wonderful to have that closeness with a grandchild. We turned our world upside down for one of ours 15 years ago and have not regretted it. Family is everything!

Maybe, no money needs to change hands. Mary can have free rent in return for childminding which is better with family involved. We did it for nothing for years. 

Food will sort itself. Some meals will be shared and privacy for all will happen. 

Some people do not know the value of family and the joy Mary will get from the child is beyond price.

The child is not a baby so time will pass quickly but will secure a closeness between grandma and grandchild that is priceless. 

Thanks Paddington for your alternate point of view. I am interested in all replies, and was hoping to get as wide a range of responses as possible. 

LJ - I haven't suggested at any point that Mary shouldn't do it. We definitely appreciate there are some benefits to Mary, like a smaller house to maintain, and better access to care. I think regardless of whether this situation had presented itself Mary was always going to sell up and move. The proposed arrangements though just need to be a situation that is fair, and as the majority of other posters have suggested - this isn't fair for Mary. Kindness aside - there is far too much in this situation for Bob to gain, and Mary to lose by. I assume that you wouldn't knowingly let a loved one get themselves into a bad situation, and that regardless of whether someone usually operates in an 'able and thrify manner' making good decisions, that in times of major stress it is not a bad thing to have loved ones watching out for them to make sure that they are still making their usual good decisions. This post was part of us becoming informed enough to be able to give informed, considered responses when asked our opinion. 

Thanks everyone for your input! Much appreciated!

Thanks Paddington for your alternate point of view. I am interested in all replies, and was hoping to get as wide a range of responses as possible. 

LJ - I haven't suggested at any point that Mary shouldn't do it. We definitely appreciate there are some benefits to Mary, like a smaller house to maintain, and better access to care. I think regardless of whether this situation had presented itself Mary was always going to sell up and move. The proposed arrangements though just need to be a situation that is fair, and as the majority of other posters have suggested - this isn't fair for Mary. Kindness aside - there is far too much in this situation for Bob to gain, and Mary to lose by. I assume that you wouldn't knowingly let a loved one get themselves into a bad situation, and that regardless of whether someone usually operates in an 'able and thrify manner' making good decisions, that in times of major stress it is not a bad thing to have loved ones watching out for them to make sure that they are still making their usual good decisions. This post was part of us becoming informed enough to be able to give informed, considered responses when asked our opinion. 

Thanks everyone for your input! Much appreciated!

Hi Suze. We believe that as long as Mary buys another property within 12 months that her pension shouldn’t be too affected? If anyone knows any different though please let me know! 

Breeze,

Mary needs to peg the price of her housing by buying soon, not later.  It can take time to find a property, to close the deal and for it to become available for occupancy.  As well, she needs the settlement in hand from her own property before committing to any other. Older people will find great difficulty in getting housing loans.  To be blunt, she needs the full amount plus legals, adjustments and allowance for any modifications (eg to wet areas, stairs) to suit. 

It is going to be tight and a spreadsheet of steps, timings and outlays would help.  The existence of the plan would also lay to rest some doubts about the future.

If the rent for her stay at Bob's is to be at market rates or near to it, then the childminding should similarly be at the economic charging rate for such work, with some reduction because she is not accredited.  Commonsense should find a mutually satisfactory arrangement, (say) $0 pw - break even, or a peppercorn either way.  There seems to be the expectation of rent assistance from Centrelink.

I don't regard meals being provided as any real benefit because it just makes the work day longer and it is probably only there to 'prove' a lodging/boarding arrangement.  There could be the expectation that the childcare or other support role continues for the duration of it, or that she should be doing chores.

If I was Mary I'd pay for an hour or so with a local accountant and get some numbers worked out, along with an agreement for periodic tenancy or boarding agreement.  

Where the accommodation is not separate with its own facilities there may have to be a boarding agreement.  

I liked toot2000's reply.