19th Dec 2017
Three signs that money problems will break your heart
Author: Olga Galacho
Can money woes break your heart?

Arguing about money is up there among the top reasons why couples contemplate separating. Two different approaches to managing finances are a sure-fire way to set up conflict in a relationship. Sometimes the resentment can fester for years until it is so unbearable it overrides the love you once had for your partner, and calling it quits feels long overdue.

Author of Your Money Personality Kathleen Gurney labels fighting over finances as “a silent killer, chipping away at your self-confidence”.

Here are three tell-tale signs that money problems could be about to break your heart:

Debt
Utah State University Associate Professor Jeffrey Dew found that marital satisfaction is associated with owning debt-free assets. Conversely, as debt increases, happiness decreases.  Prof Dew concluded that thrifty couples were the happiest.

“Research on marriage and money – which has focused on the influence that debt, assets, spending patterns and materialism have on marriages – suggests … that credit card debt plays a powerful role in eroding the quality of married life.

“Consumer debt fuels a sense of financial unease among couples, and increases the likelihood that they will fight over money matters; moreover, this financial unease casts a pall over marriages in general, raising the likelihood that couples will argue over issues other than money, and decreasing the time they spend with one another.”

Prof Dew said whether couples were rich, middle class or poor did not influence the impact that mounting debt had on a marriage. 

Spending
Perceptions that a partner was spending foolishly were found to affect the quality of a relationship, too. Several studies have shown that when one spouse believes the other doesn’t handle money well, they tend to report being less happy than those who do not hold that judgement.

Divorce was more likely to be considered by someone who believed cash slipped through their partner’s fingers too easily, according to research published in Journal of Marriage and the Family. In the article ‘A longitudinal study of marital problems and subsequent divorce’, the authors wrote that holding the belief that a partner was a spendthrift was a major predictor of whether the couple would divorce. The study showed that in relationships strained by money woes, 45 per cent of the marriages would dissolve. 

Infidelity
Keeping discretionary spending a secret from your partner puts your relationship at risk if they discover later that you have been lying.

Feeling cheated by a partner who disguises their impulsive purchases or goes back on their word to spend less has been found to elicit the same feelings of betrayal as other types of infidelity.

This is magnified if the couple have agreed to save for a goal, such as a new car or a holiday, but miss their target. When crunch time comes and there isn’t enough money to fulfil their goal because one of them has been hiding their spending, you can expect fireworks.

Some couples don’t seem to mind upping the stakes and rather than overspending will keep a stash of cash or credit that their partner doesn’t know about.

A survey of US adults by CreditCards.com found that one in 20 Americans have secret bank accounts or credit cards. 

The poll also revealed that 19 per cent of respondents admitted to spending more than $500 without telling their partners. The admissions showed that men were almost twice as likely to have done so than women.

With statistics showing that couples who argue about finances once a week were over 30 per cent more likely to divorce than those who argued less, the chances of setting your relationship up for failure by not being on the same page financially appears to be risky.

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    COMMENTS

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    Knight Templar
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:27am
    The questionable study states that "men are twice as likely to spend more than $500 without telling their partners". The likelihood is that men may INFREQUENTLY purchase an expensive item eg a computer but statistically, women are the BIG spenders on a regular basis. One only has to look at shopping centres where 90% of shops cater to womens' needs. As the old saying has it: A successful husband is one who can earn more than his wife spends whereas a successful wife is a person who can find such a husband.
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    11:17am
    Gee you would be looking for a needle in a haystack to find a successful woman then.
    Kathleen
    2nd Jan 2018
    1:05pm
    What century are you guys from?
    Women earn their own money now and sometimes are better earners than their spouses.
    We have a daughter with a PhD and another with an honours degree.
    Both are self sufficient and in one case provides for others.
    I educated myself after the last child went to school, completed three degrees, and taught part time for 20 years.
    Obviously, you have been unlucky in love and now bitter.
    Shopping centres know that women shop for their partners and others. Some men like to shop but more women do so.
    Maybe educate yourselves by researching online.
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    1:17pm
    Gee I'm glad I'm not one of those hen pecked men.
    Happy cyclist
    2nd Jan 2018
    1:21pm
    GrandmaKathleen, don't waste your energy! This site harbours several very bitter men who jump at every chance to put women down. It's a pity it's not a site to have intelligent exchange of views but the women haters dominate every time. Clearly they made bad choices when picking a partner and they think all men feel the same and all women are the same. What can you do? Be glad you didn't marry one I say!
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    1:33pm
    I must be doing something right as I have still got same partner after I've forgotten how many years as it's just too many to remember.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    3:36pm
    For every woman who claims to have paid her own way ( unlikely) there is a thousand who spent their lives filling their husbands bankcard. Grandma no doubt your husband worked full time to pay for your 3 degrees and then continued to work full time while you worked part time. Sounds like you had a nice easy life payed for by your husband. Situation normal.
    Anonymous
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:32pm
    Haha - well spotted Tib

    And before she went on to bludge at Uni doing 3 degrees (why on earth for ??), Grandma had a cushy live sitting at home playing with the kids
    roy
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:43pm
    Where's MICK?
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:44pm
    I was thinking same Tib but I bit my tongue instead of saying it. Either she bought those 3 degrees online or it took lots of work if she actually did them the conventional way.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:55pm
    OG if I bit my tongue every time I read some Female BS by now I would be missing a fairly large piece.
    Kathleen
    2nd Jan 2018
    9:04pm
    Wrong Tib! My husband retired at 59 and I kept working.
    My degrees were not dodgy either. You cannot teach in high schools without proper accreditation.
    Again, please use the internet to help you be better informed, as you have gaps in your understanding.
    You should have known that teachers must be qualified and succeeded in practical classroom teaching before being able to stand in front of a class.
    No mother has a cushy job at home either. Try looking after three children under school age and you will find that out.
    I suspect you like stirring and provoking responses as you guys do on many subjects.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    9:40pm
    Grandma you should try using this so called education of yours to improve your reading skills. I made no mention of schools or what your accreditation is. If your reading skills are any guide I suspect you have a degree in finger painting ( arts degree). I simply said your husband picked up the bill for your degree by paying your way while you had a nice time at uni. Which must be true since you avoided my actual comment. Unless you are trying to make a straw man argument. By the way looking after small children is a privilege or at worst a bludge and if didn't want them you shouldn't of had them.
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:51pm
    A few years back I was thinking about a change of career and I was offered a six month fast track uni course with a guaranteed job to teach in high schools. A six month course seems to me like there is not too much accreditation required to teach in high schools.

    It can't be that hard to teach high school kids as you just need a few packets of chalk and if they fall asleep or misbehave you just chuck chalk at them and if that doesn't work there is always the chalk duster to knock some sense into them.
    Kathleen
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:57pm
    Tib, you want to argue and it seems pointless trying to talk to you, bitter and uneducated as you appear to be as illustrated by your spelling! It is sad that some guys on here have stooped so low.
    OlderandWiser
    3rd Jan 2018
    7:21am
    Happy cyclist is right, GrandmaKathleen22. This site somehow attracts selfish, egomaniacal nasties and arrogant, ill-informed chauvinists with grudges against women. They have no idea what they are on about, but they delight in spreading ill-will and insulting others.

    I could name dozens of women who supported their husbands and families through illness, disability, unemployment, etc., worked tirelessly in family businesses, and generally contributed far more to the household income than their husbands, while spending far less. My grandmother worked from 3am until late evening washing, ironing, baking bread to sell, cutting sandwiches to sell to workers, growing vegetables and caring for and milking the family cow, making cheese, making soaps, and sewing for the kids, while my unemployed grandfather spent quite a lot on grog. Two aunts supported their families while alcoholic husbands drank three quarters of their wives' earnings, and almost all of their own.

    Women generally do the shopping for groceries, personal needs for all family members, and often their husband's clothing, plus gifts the couple give to their children and others.

    Tib's comments are disgusting. And OG is just an ignorant, arrogant, self-opinionated old fool who can't help putting everyone else down and posting wild and baseless assumptions that suggest everyone else in the world - EXCEPT HIM - is thoroughly stupid.
    OlderandWiser
    3rd Jan 2018
    7:32am
    Actually, I can't think of a single woman I know who spends more than her husband, and I know very few who earn less. My daughters all earn much more than their husbands. One supports hers almost entirely, while he ''networks'' - playing golf. My son's partner earns more than him and spends virtually nothing by comparison with his outlays on motorbikes, cars, four-wheel driving and trail-bike riding.

    A friend spends heaps on tools his wife calls ''toys''. His wife spends more freely now but made all clothing the family, curtains, bedspreads, cushion covers, etc., upholstered couches and was a whiz at cooking excellent meals with ingredients that cost next to nothing. She also worked, earning as much as he did, and helped him me owner-build and renovate houses - carrying bricks and concrete and timber and painting and cleaning all night often, then going to work next day. He says she provided the deposit on their first home and he has no idea where it came from, as his earnings were tiny and she was busy having babies, but somehow she managed to put enough aside.

    Get a life, Tib! You are showing the world why you had such bad experiences with women. Obviously you are a selfish, egotistical, nasty man who no doubt treated women appallingly. Probably abusive, in fact, given the emotionally abusive way you ''speak'' to women here.
    Old Geezer
    3rd Jan 2018
    10:05am
    Ha ha Rainey I am old but no fool. Remember the saying a fool and his money are soon lost.
    Tib
    3rd Jan 2018
    10:32am
    Rainey more name calling. Typical
    Old Geezer
    3rd Jan 2018
    11:11am
    Yes I don't like name calling either so I don't do it myself.
    JAID
    3rd Jan 2018
    2:36pm
    Fellas it is hardly fair to suggest that because a male may be the main breadwinner they worked and the other had it easy. Any relationship while it lasts is a contract and most of those contracts assume some roles though these are both expanding and varying all the time.

    If you are working full time and your partner is not excepting times where work cannot be found it is a matter of agreement between you.

    In my experience be careful with money and not being so is pretty fairly split between the sexes. It would be understandable that someone kept in the dark may have a lesser care in relation to the pot available but that is related to the other parties action.

    An uncle of mine would bring home a paycheck, hand it to my aunt, be given a very small allowance in return and never know anything more of it. Another couple in the family acted exactly the opposite. The good thing is that on both sides the one handling the money was an excellent manager of it and the marriages stayed contented.
    Other couples share the decision making, others do not but share the knowledge of what is available. It takes all kinds.

    I dont think having seen the quality of those relationships that any of these ways are essentially wrong. The guiding principal behind contentedness is probably consent while being informed as much as you agree to be.
    Old Geezer
    3rd Jan 2018
    2:46pm
    Far too many women adopt the idea that what's your is mine and what's mine is mine too.

    Everything goes along fine while ever a man accepts that. Pity the poor man who doesn't.
    Tib
    3rd Jan 2018
    9:46pm
    OG I don't know why these women think their abusive name calling and bullying tactic are ok. I guess they just can't accept other people are allowed a different opinion.
    Old Geezer
    3rd Jan 2018
    10:41pm
    Tib name calling seems nothing but being spiteful to me and is usually used to try and cut people down to their level or lower. One can't just be rich he has to be filthy rich. That sort of thing where they try and turn a good thing into a bad thing due mainly to jealousy or inadequacy on their behalf.

    I just remember the old song we used to sing as kids and have a chuckle. You know the one. Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me etc.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    7:31am
    OG, there are many ways to hurt and insult, and you do it constantly. You denigrate, boast, gloat, insult, wish hurt on others, and condemn people unfairly, and you are boasting again. It's extremely offensive.

    I'm sure NOTHING can hurt you, because you are so full of yourself and convinced you are perfect in every way.

    As for you, Tib, I don't think ANYONE here can compete with your nasty attacks on anyone born female. There's a difference between having an opinion and ranting endlessly denigrating people you know nothing about for just being born a woman. Your rants are dishonest, insulting, cruel, and offensive in the extreme. Show a little respect and you might get more in return.
    Old Geezer
    5th Jan 2018
    4:10pm
    Looks like the tall poppy syndrome is alive and well then Rainey. If someone has more than you you are not pleased for them but want to cut them down to your level instead. I find that offensive too.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    5:04pm
    I couldn't care less what anyone else has, OG, and I certainly don't want to cut anyone down to my level (though it isn't at all bad here). What I can't stand is egomaniacs who can't stop gloating and insulting others. You ARE offensive in the extreme - and it has NOTHING AT ALL to do with what you have - or more likely falsely claim to have, since you contradict your earlier postings completely. It has to do with you making an obnoxious, rude, nasty posts continually and constantly seeking to put others down and imply you are some kind of God. You are disgusting in your continual rants denigrating me and LYING about my situation - which of course you have no knowledge of at all except from posts in which I have repeated said the opposite to what you dishonestly claim.

    Stop the offensive lies about me and false accusations. I could care less what a miserable old egomaniac has or claims to have. It certainly hasn't done you any good. I'd rather be poor any day that a nasty old sod like you.
    Knows-a-lot
    7th Jan 2018
    9:50am
    The delusional, despicable motormouth Rainey is at it again. She's stalking another male victim with her misandrous bile.
    Glen48
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:53am
    My ex thought using rags and not Tampons was a good way to save money,,Her parents thought stealing toilet items from hotels and given them out at Xmas was a good way to save money,, But my Ex was happy to hound me for CSA was a great thing,
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    11:20am
    Get one of those implants instead then no rags, tampons or headaches. Available under the PBS and free to have put it.
    Glen48
    2nd Jan 2018
    12:28pm
    It would not swim in the pool because it was to expensive ,,or sleep in the A/C for the same reason
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    11:47am
    men are twice as likely to spend $500 without telling their partners. Because men make most of the money and women would have troubled hiding a $500 spend. Women waste money $50 and $100 at a time. But they are responsible for 90% of all waste. Shop till you drop, retail therapy...female heaven. The problem is women think shopping is for entertainment, they spend everything they have without any thought for the consequences..like children.
    Huge numbers of men are dragged down by greedy , self entitled women who are only concerned about their buying thrill ....their next purchase.
    Let's be honest they are just a burden and not worth having. Only fools marry these days.
    Triss
    2nd Jan 2018
    12:38pm
    I think you'll find, Tib, that many successful, entreprenerial women and professonal women say your last two sentences about men. Perhaps they've met too many mysogynists.
    Sundays
    2nd Jan 2018
    2:58pm
    Tib, when my husband and I were working we earnt similar pay. We worked together to reach our goals and had a savings plan. We both had discretionary money which was ours to spend as we saw fit. We also agreed that we would not make ad hoc purchases of more than $100 without discussing it first. I like clothes but kept within my clothing budget. He likes sports and they can be expensive hobbies. Now comfortably retired, the same principles apply except I manage the money because I’m better at hunting down bargains, tracking spending, maintaining a budget etc. I know both men and women who are shopaholics and your comments just show a personal bias not facts.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    3:19pm
    No matter what you say shop owners know who does all the spending almost every shop in any town is aimed at female shopaholics. Triss don't bother with the misogyanist comment for every one of those there is a hundred misandrists. Femtards is another name for them. Besides for every entrepreneurial woman there is a thousand successful males.
    Happy cyclist
    2nd Jan 2018
    3:31pm
    Poor old Tib. You're a real relic of an age which has thankfully passed. All your prejudices are so typical of a type of man who is following the dinosaurs. Let's face it, you had a really good run but now that wife beating is illegal all the fun has gone hasn't it?
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    3:44pm
    Happy cyclist no I'm the future the one where we won't pay your way while you sit home and bludge and shop all day. Get a job , we aren't carrying you any more. You're lazy days are over. Ha ha
    Triss
    2nd Jan 2018
    6:20pm
    1000 successful men for every female entrepreneur, Tib. Do you have documentary proof of that, any evidence based studies?
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    9:45pm
    Triss your right 1000 to 1 is underestimating the number of successful men but hay I didn't want to embarrass you.
    Triss
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:24pm
    Unfortunately, Tib, your comments demean and embarrass you more than they embarrass me.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:33pm
    Nope. Sure don't. If you want to play the misogynist card and then the feminist guilt trip, you don't have my respect nor do I take you seriously. I will respect your comments when you have something serious to say.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    12:29pm
    Triss is right, Tib. You've portrayed yourself in a very, very bad light and most here have formed a low opinion of you. It's no wonder you think so poorly of women. Clearly, any good woman would give you wide berth given your nasty sexist attitude and rudeness. Try treating women with respect and you just MIGHT meet some of the millions of very good women who most men would give their eye teeth to have as wives.
    Knows-a-lot
    5th Jan 2018
    4:33pm
    Tib is right, Rainey. You've portrayed yourself in a very, very bad light, and several here have a low opinion of you. Clearly, any good man would give you wide berth given your nasty sexist attitude and rudeness. Try treating men with respect and you just MIGHT meet some of the millions of very good men who most women would give their eye teeth to have as husbands.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    5:12pm
    Wow! A PHD and the best you can do is paraphrase my words to insult me, Knows-a-lot! Really don't know anything at all, do you? Quite pathetic!

    You are a joke. I am known and deeply loved by dozens of very good men, and I can't think of a single one who dislikes me. And that goes for women too. And I am very happily married to a partner who has been telling everyone for 47 years how wonderful I am. (I say the same of my partner. Good people generally attract good people, and a-holes attract a-holes, which clearly happened to you and Tib to make you both so bitter and twisted.)

    The only people here who have low opinion of me are the bigoted fools who can't comprehend common sense and logic and think that standing up for women and for healthy values is somehow sexist or rude. Actually, I've had several private messages from people congratulating me on my posts and pleading with me to ignore the likes of you and Tib. And the majority on this site are thoroughly disgusted with yours and Tib's garbage.
    Knows-a-lot
    6th Jan 2018
    8:38am
    "Wow! A PHD and the best you can do is paraphrase my words to insult me, Knows-a-lot!"

    No - it wasn't the best I could do. I did it simply to dumb things down to your low level of intelligence in the (perhaps forlorn) hope that you'd get the point.

    "Really don't know anything at all, do you? Quite pathetic!"

    A perfect description of yourself.

    "You are a joke."

    Yes indeed, you are. But I'm not laughing.

    " I am known and deeply loved by dozens of very good men, and I can't think of a single one who dislikes me."

    You need to visit a psychiatrist who might be able to help you with your delusions.

    "And I am very happily married to a partner who has been telling everyone for 47 years how wonderful I am."

    Wow, he's scraped the bottom of the barrel. And if he thinks you're wonderful then he needs to visit the shrink too. You are the absolute antithesis of wonderful.

    "a-holes attract a-holes"

    Yes, you typify that point.

    "which clearly happened to you and Tib to make you both so bitter and twisted."

    Talking about yourself again, not Tib or I.

    "The only people here who have low opinion of me are the bigoted fools who can't comprehend common sense and logic and think that standing up for women and for healthy values is somehow sexist or rude."

    Dream on, you deluded fool. (PS: I topped two courses of logic at university.)

    "Actually, I've had several private messages from people congratulating me on my posts and pleading with me to ignore the likes of you and Tib. And the majority on this site are thoroughly disgusted with yours and Tib's garbage. "

    Yeah, sure ... in your fantasy world.
    Polly Esther
    2nd Jan 2018
    2:45pm
    Goodness me, what's required is a good sense of humour, really. After all, boys will be boys and grow up to be men will be men, thank fully and bless them all.
    Hasbeen
    2nd Jan 2018
    2:55pm
    Never had an argument about money. My lady used to get a bit quietly upset about my toys I think, but after spending 6 years cruising the Pacific islands on one with me, that kind of changed. The fact that the bills were always paid, & we own everything free & clear probably helps. No credit cards, & we only buy what we can pay cash for.

    After the kids were gone she did start to develop a shoe collection to rival Imelda Marcos, but that stopped when one of the kids needed a bit of financial help. I think she still gives that one a bit more help than she tells me, but that is much better than needing another shoe cupboard.

    The secret is to combined spend a bit less than your income, & there is nothing to argue about.
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:55pm
    We always have disagreements about money. I'm always in trouble as I stuff it up the wrong log and it's creates more to stuff up wrong logs.
    Jenny
    2nd Jan 2018
    2:59pm
    When my husband and I married we had very little in the way of assets or money. We were quite prepared to scrimp and scrape to save for our future, but unfortunately my husband would never believe that I was trying hard enough, and this caused many arguments and a lot of bad feeling. I was very distressed by the fact that he thought I was wasting his money, although I couldn't have done any more to save. When finally I faced up to him and asked whether he trusted me he said "no, because any wife would try to do her man down and take his money if she could". Needless to say this didn't do much for our fledgling relationship, and although I continued to do my best he continued to carp and criticize, and the damage was done. By the way, our financial situation over the years has been rock solid and we are very comfortable in retirement, so obviously I was never the danger he imagined. I have to say though, that had I not become pregnant very early on I don't think we would have stayed married for long. I found his attitude toward myself and money extremely hurtful and disillusioning.
    Old Man
    2nd Jan 2018
    3:45pm
    Hands up all those women who, when asked if a dress/shoes are new, say they have had the item for months/years and hubby just hasn't bothered to notice it before. Keep your hand up if you learned it from your mother.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    3:53pm
    Ha ha old man hands just went up right across Australia.
    Sundays
    2nd Jan 2018
    3:55pm
    Hands up all those men who’ve spent up on cars, boats, caravans, golf clubs, bicycles, subscriptions, alcohol, gambling, but that’s OK whereas dress/shoes are not?
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:02pm
    Sunday so you never used the car the boat or the caravan. Recently it's been shown that women in their 60 s are some of our biggest drinkers so you probably spent more than him.
    Old Man
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:04pm
    Aw Sundays, lighten up. My post was very tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be anyways serious. Forgive me for having a weird sense of humour.
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:46pm
    That's isn't how it happens as I own nothing but seem to have to pay all the bills.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    5:01pm
    OM don't apologise your comment was brilliant. If women want to be equal first they have to grow up and grow a sense of humour.
    Sundays
    2nd Jan 2018
    8:15pm
    Ah Old Man, you’re being funny. Tib et al are they a joke too? The article was about how arguments about money can destroy relationships. Correct I’d say judging by some of the responses
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    9:49pm
    Sunday's hopefully the arguments destroy the relationship before the woman sends the man broke. I hear salt gets rid of leeches.
    Knows-a-lot
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:28pm
    I would have thought the greatest reason for breakups is constant nagging from the missus. ALL women nag men, only the degree of nagging varies.
    Triss
    2nd Jan 2018
    6:15pm
    What constitutes nagging? Give me an example.
    Anonymous
    2nd Jan 2018
    6:28pm
    you're doing it now Triss

    try introspection
    Triss
    2nd Jan 2018
    7:27pm
    You’ve proved my point beautifully, Raphael. When a woman asks a man a question he calls it nagging - when a man asks a woman a question he calls it making a request.
    Anonymous
    2nd Jan 2018
    8:07pm
    stop with your nagging already ffs. you'll drive me to drink
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:01pm
    Raphael :)
    JAID
    3rd Jan 2018
    2:47pm
    Grandma said something about humour. This little thread gets the crown.
    Knows-a-lot
    3rd Jan 2018
    2:52pm
    Triss, nagging is telling or asking a man to do something over and over and over again. Once only should suffice. anything beyond that is an irritant.
    Old Geezer
    4th Jan 2018
    11:22am
    Selective deafness is a god send sometimes.
    Rae
    7th Jan 2018
    9:16am
    I've a question.

    Why do men hover in the kitchen area through the entire cooking process and then disappear around 30 seconds before plating up?

    It drives me crazy and I've never met a man, including my two sons, who doesn't do it.
    Knows-a-lot
    7th Jan 2018
    9:55am
    Sorry Rae, I don't understand your question. what is "plating up"? Anyway, the men you refer to may be checking out the cooking. I would disappear only after helping with the wiping up and putting away process.
    Bonny
    7th Jan 2018
    11:00am
    Just put their hot meal on the table and sit down and eat yours. They will soon learn that if they want hot food they will stay around.
    Knows-a-lot
    8th Jan 2018
    4:09pm
    Hi Bonny. Isn't that what normally happens?

    2nd Jan 2018
    4:41pm
    I should have had that secret bank account - OFFSHORE !!!
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    4:45pm
    Why haven't you?

    I've got one in NZ as they were paying twice as much interest as Australia so I opened while I was over there.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    5:04pm
    Damn a secret bank account why didn't I think of that.
    Anonymous
    2nd Jan 2018
    6:29pm
    I do now OG
    But I should have had one before I ditched the bwitch
    Charlie
    2nd Jan 2018
    5:03pm
    Don't mess with Mr Misogynist. No comment
    Knows-a-lot
    3rd Jan 2018
    2:54pm
    Don't mess with Mrs Misandrist. No comment.
    morrowj1122
    2nd Jan 2018
    5:03pm
    Settle down children!
    turtle
    2nd Jan 2018
    5:19pm
    I agree morrowj1122, how sad most of you are.
    Puglet
    2nd Jan 2018
    5:43pm
    I agree morrow and turtle, some of the posters on this site are being increasingly offensive. Many comments are so unpleasant, destructive and abusive some posters will be inhibited from participating and this is a pity. Seniors should know how to behave online and how to treat one another with respect. Webmaster it is time for you to do your job, if we can’t treat one another with respect then this calls for moderation.
    Old Geezer
    2nd Jan 2018
    6:16pm
    Oh dear maybe you should learn to grow old disgracefully and have some fun like I do.
    Puglet
    2nd Jan 2018
    6:50pm
    OG it’s one thing to have fun while ageing gracefully but it is quite another to have ‘fun’ at others’ expense. If some posters are inhibited from posting then it is time to stop bullying or ‘fun’ which is making them uncomfortable. BTW I enjoy your posts and welcome your advice and humour.
    Anonymous
    2nd Jan 2018
    7:07pm
    Please stop the nagging Puglet. You will inhibit many male posters from posting on this site
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    9:58pm
    Piglet typical feminist view , don't like anyone else having a different point of view. Let's ban them. Fair enough. Make your life choices a" SAFE SPACE" for females without any other points of view. Then you ladies can all sit around telling each other what victims you are and we will read something else. But don't imagine the rest of the world agrees with you because you banned them.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:26pm
    Piglet so far life choices has allowed men to express their opinion but that is not common these day with female editors and the media generally run by the left and mostly female. Anything that disagrees with the feminist narrative is quickly shut down. That's what happened in the US , all the media thought Hillary was going to win because no other view was accepted.....guess what Trump. The media may be able to stop them talking but they couldn't stop them voting.
    Triss
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:30pm
    Be careful, Tib, if you insist on on changing the 'u' into an 'i' in Puglet's name he might do the same to you and change the 'i' in your name to a 'u'.
    Tib
    2nd Jan 2018
    10:41pm
    Triss ha ha spell check keeps doing that. Call me what you like, Im not easily offended I'm not a femtard. I've even been known to listen to other people's opinion without being offended if they don't agree with me. That's the thing about men we allow others to have a different opinion without throwing a PC fit.
    Triss
    2nd Jan 2018
    11:08pm
    Don’t you read newspapers, Tib? The amount of brawls, stabbings and murders committed by males because someone has disagreed with them.
    Tib
    3rd Jan 2018
    9:05am
    Triss are you unaware of the number of women who kill their children? Women aren't less violent than men just smaller which becomes obvious when you look at those women willing to kill their children.
    Knows-a-lot
    3rd Jan 2018
    2:58pm
    @Puglet. "Seniors should know how to behave online and how to treat one another with respect."

    Respect has to be earnt. Only dignity should be a given.

    "If some posters are inhibited from posting then it is time to stop bullying or ‘fun’ which is making them uncomfortable."

    Maybe some posters need to grow a pair - i.e., gain some gumption.

    @Tib. BRAVO!
    morrowj1122
    2nd Jan 2018
    7:53pm
    Sigh :(
    OlderandWiser
    3rd Jan 2018
    7:50am
    How sad that it's impossible to have a productive and sensible discussion about a serious issue because of selfish, egotistical, chauvinist pigs who haven't even learned basic good manners, know absolutely NOTHING, deal in wrong assumptions and vile lies, and get off on being offensive.

    This is a serious topic. Many couples have major issues over spending and deceptive financial dealings. Someone in my family has a husband who grossly overspends, hides money, and lies about finances and it's putting their marriage at grave risk. She works and they both earn excellent salaries - hers significantly the highest - yet they are up to their necks in debt and she's scrimping and going without and can't figure out what on earth he's doing with his income.

    I doubt Olga anticipated that this article would provide an invitation for nasty men to denigrate and insult women, and I'm sure the article wouldn't have been published if there was an expectation that men would respond so immaturely and disgustingly.

    Please can we have some INTELLIGENT and TRUTHFUL comments from DECENT men who respect the massive contribution most women make to their families and society. Or are there no decent men left in the world - only frustrated egotistical wife-beaters who are angry that women are now able to defend themselves against bullies?

    BTW. In my marriage, there have been a few minor arguments over money, but we have been happily wed for 47 years thanks to showing mutual respect and courtesy, and appreciating that marriage is a PARTNERSHIP and in partnerships, both partners have equal rights; budgets and major spending decisions are formulated jointly; everything is jointly owned and there is total honesty and transparency; and each contributes what they are able and is valued for their endeavours. It's NOT a competition, and neither of us would ever suggest that one gender is less fiscally responsible or hard working than the other - because that's JUST NOT TRUE. Never has been. Likely never will be.
    Sundays
    3rd Jan 2018
    9:17am
    Well said Rainey. I’m not sure why the men who bully women on this site are allowed by YLC to continue. We’ve moved away from intelligent discussions and difference of opinions. If the same comments were made about people with disabilities, or other minorities they would be told to stop. YLC it’s tine to stand up! Not talking tongue in cheek comments, but rude, personal and disparaging remarks.
    Anonymous
    3rd Jan 2018
    9:50am
    Hard to believe
    But if true why is she still in the marriage
    It’s not going to get better - what’s the point of living like that
    Old Geezer
    3rd Jan 2018
    10:00am
    I agree Rainey thanks for noticing my excellent manners.
    Knows-a-lot
    3rd Jan 2018
    3:05pm
    How sad it is that finger-wagging feminist control-freaks like Rainey know nothing and cannot handle the truth when it's handed to them on a platter...

    "Please can we have some INTELLIGENT and TRUTHFUL comments from DECENT men who respect the massive contribution most women make to their families and society."

    What utter tosh. I'll believe that only when men outlive women on average, when women die in greater numbers than men on the battlefield, and when women start inhabiting the "Glass Cellar" (i.e. where the dirtiest and most dangerous jobs are). Read Dr Warren Farrell's impressive book "The Myth of Male Power", sweetheart, before you spew any more of your ignorance.
    OlderandWiser
    3rd Jan 2018
    6:29pm
    Knows-a-lot, I opposed feminist vehemently and still campaign against it in many extreme forms. At heart, I am a traditionalist. I would like to return to the days when men worked and women looked after the household and the children.

    I am anything but ignorant. But the vile and disgustingly offensive lies being published here about women are actually an offence at law and any woman reading them and taking offense might instigate an action for damages. YLC moderators are NOT smart allowing this kind of rubbish.

    There are millions of good, hard-working, frugal women in the world, many of whom have husbands who credit their wives with their success. And there are millions of rotten, spendthrift, alcoholic men in the world who have done hideous damage to women and children. But we need both men and women if we are to sustain the population, and we need MUTUAL RESPECT AND COURTESY if we are to have a healthy society. Lazy, spendthrift and irresponsible women are a tiny minority, just as - hopefully - rotten, spendthrift, alcoholic men are a minority. It's a very sick world when men denigrate women the way they are being denigrated here.

    BTW. Knows-a-lot (who we all know knows absolute nothing at all), all the men I know who died younger than their wives did so as a result of over-indulgence in grog. Liver failure! Spent all the family money on drink, and it killed them. I hope their wives enjoyed spending any money that was left. They sure deserved enjoyment after what they put up with for decades, cleaning up after slobbering drunks and trying to make ends meet when 3/4 of the family income was spent at the pub.
    Tib
    3rd Jan 2018
    9:38pm
    Presenting women with an opinion that is different from theirs is not bullying. While threatening to have people banned is. You women are always pretending to be victims but you are bullies demanding that everyone agree with you ....or else. Your constant abuse and name calling proves my point. When you don't get your own way you quickly claim victim status and become abusive.
    Old Geezer
    4th Jan 2018
    11:06am
    Agree Tib. With some women as long as you do what they say and think you should everything is rosy. Deviate and you do so at your peril.
    Knows-a-lot
    4th Jan 2018
    4:31pm
    "BTW. Knows-a-lot (who we all know knows absolute nothing at all),"

    Rainey, this is precisely the sort of CRAP from women like you that bolsters may jaded view of women in general. Thanks very much for confirming my viewpoint - and for underlining your own patently obvious ignorance. You know next to NOTHING about me. Here now, though, are a couple of facts about me: I am a university medallist with a PhD - hardly the achievements (ones which I bet you've never accomplished) of a person who "knows absolute [sic] nothing at all".
    Knows-a-lot
    4th Jan 2018
    4:39pm
    @Rainey "... all the men I know who died younger than their wives did so as a result of over-indulgence in grog."

    More ignorance from you in the form of statistical fallacy. You cannot make stupid generalizations like that based on your own limited personal experience. FACT: Overwhelmingly in combat, men die more than women in protecting noncombatants - e.g. most women - at home. FACT: Men work longer hours than women do, and inhabit the "Glass Cellar" (where the dirtiest and most dangerous jobs are, and where women are conspicuously absent). FACT: Men are treated as the disposable sex; more money is spent on women than men in the health sector, yet men on average die younger. FACT: The legal system (i.e. the Family Court) royally screws men when it comes to divorce, child maintenance and child custody. Read Dr Warren Farrell's book "The Myth of Male Power", and weep. No wonder a growing number of men will have nothing to do with women relationship-wise, because more and more of them are just gold-bricking parasitic b*tches.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    10:19am
    Knows-a-lot, you obviously have a comprehension problem. I referred to ALL MEN I KNOW. Statistics have nothing to do with what happened to men I know. I didn't make any generalization at all, except to say that there are millions of good women in the world.

    You are expressing a very bigoted point of view. Men do work longer hours and in more dangerous jobs than women, and most men are happy with that situation, because they believe women should be protected and supported to raise children. Men are NOT treated as 'the disposable sex'' by most women. That's nonsense! By rampant feminists, maybe, but they are a minority. And the legal system does NOT ''screw'' men in divorces. It rightly enforces obligations of paying child support - and sometimes maintenance (though its getting rare with women working and earning more).

    I don't need to read some bigot's prejudicial opinions to know that the majority of the population value both men's and women's contributions to society and respect both genders equally - as it SHOULD BE. I do, however, see a disappointing trend towards women being less appreciative and respectful of men.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    10:27am
    And oh, WOW, Knows-a-lot! I just noted your remark that you are
    ''a university medallist with a PhD''. No wonder your sprout such garbage! An over-educated fool. I've met many. They THINK because they have a fancy piece of paper and letters after their name that they can close their eyes to reality, dismiss other people's opinions (of course people without those fancy letters wouldn't know anything!) and generally be rude and offensive in insisting that they are ALWAYS RIGHT.

    As a friend once remarked - I used to grieve my lack of formal education. Now I'm grateful, because I've realized that universities CLOSE MINDS and STIFLE INDEPENDENT THOUGHT AND RESEARCH. Sadly, it's true.

    No, I don't claim to be well-educated - just intelligent, a THINKING person, rational and logical, and concerned for the well-being of society as a whole rather than obsessed with personal well-being and personal grudges.
    Knows-a-lot
    5th Jan 2018
    3:41pm
    "Knows-a-lot, you obviously have a comprehension problem. I referred to ALL MEN I KNOW."

    YES I GATHERED THAT. Then you went on to make a stupid generalization.

    "Statistics have nothing to do with what happened to men I know."

    General statistics are all that matter. Duh!

    "I didn't make any generalization at all, except to say that there are millions of good women in the world."

    You did actually. And there are millions of terrible women in the world. Believe me, I've met a few of them...

    "You are expressing a very bigoted point of view."

    No, I'm expressing a well-informed and truthful point of view.

    "Men are NOT treated as 'the disposable sex'' by most women. That's nonsense!"

    WRONG! As I keep telling you, read Dr Warren Farrell's well-researched book "The Myth of male Power" and learn just how wrong you truly are.

    "And the legal system does NOT ''screw'' men in divorces."

    Wrong again. Overwhelmingly, men are robbed - financially, and of access to their kids.

    "I don't need to read some bigot's prejudicial opinions ..."

    The fact that you resort to an ad-hominem attack TWICE (calling me a "bigot") amply demonstrates the vacuousness of your pseudo-argument. And all the prejudice is coming from YOU.

    "I do, however, see a disappointing trend towards women being less appreciative and respectful of men. "

    On that we can agree.

    "No wonder your sprout such garbage! An over-educated fool. I've met many."

    Typical JEALOUSY from a member of the undereducated herd of cattle...

    "They THINK because they have a fancy piece of paper and letters after their name that they can close their eyes to reality, dismiss other people's opinions (of course people without those fancy letters wouldn't know anything!) and generally be rude and offensive in insisting that they are ALWAYS RIGHT."

    You're parading your astonishing ignorance yet again... Where precisely have I been "rude", "offensive" and insisted that I've been "ALWAYS RIGHT"? NOWHERE! However, I find your breathtaking ignorance and cyclopean myopia to be rude and offensive.

    "As a friend once remarked - I used to grieve my lack of formal education. Now I'm grateful, because I've realized that universities CLOSE MINDS and STIFLE INDEPENDENT THOUGHT AND RESEARCH. Sadly, it's true."

    That is just typical of the rampant anti-intellectualism, ignorance, and wilful know-nothingness that plagues this country. That makes YOU part of this problem. As a former university lecturer, I OPENED minds, encouraged people to think for themselves regardless of prevailing fashions, and showed students how to do research and teach themselves ongoingly. THAT is what universities did when I was in academe, and should do.

    "No, I don't claim to be well-educated - just intelligent, a THINKING person, rational and logical, and concerned for the well-being of society as a whole rather than obsessed with personal well-being and personal grudges."

    Such self-delusion is hilarious. You have utterly demonstrated that you are NONE of those things and bear NONE of those attributes. Now run along...
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    5:15pm
    If universities are giving PHD to ignorant clowns like you, Knows-a-lot, God help us all!

    You really have shown yourself to be about as rude, ill-informed, ignorant, and uncouth as anyone could possibly be.
    Knows-a-lot
    6th Jan 2018
    8:44am
    Jealous much, Rainey. You wouldn't even be allowed into a university as an undergraduate because you are far too dumb. The only ignorant clown here is YOU.

    "You really have shown yourself to be about as rude, ill-informed, ignorant, and uncouth as anyone could possibly be."

    You must stop describing yourself so much. It evinces your mental illness. You are also a very malignant creature, quite toxic indeed!
    ex PS
    3rd Jan 2018
    10:34am
    In neither of my marriages have I found it necessary to have a separate bank account, if you don't trust your spouse maybe you shouldn't have married them.
    We have access to each others email accounts, mobile phones and all forms of electronic media. All of our accounts including investment accounts are joint, we could not hide anything from each other even if we tried, but why would we want to?
    We do not ask each others permission to buy anything, we are adults, we discuss the purchase and make decisions based on that discussion. Actually my wife drives me crazy by insisting on justifying the purchases of any clothes she buys.
    We give ourselves a fortnightly allowance which is quite generous and that is what we buy all of our personal items or supplies for hobbies from, all essential items like food, furniture, utilities and every day clothing items are paid from the joint account using Credit Card, it is not often that we need to use the joint account for personal use but I can not remember a time when our needs were not met.
    We do not have my money and my wife's money, it is all our money, we have nothing to argue over, that's because we treat each other with the respect due to adults, we have no need to treat each other as children who have to be controlled.
    ex PS
    3rd Jan 2018
    10:39am
    P.S it is this strategy that has allowed us to live of my Super while my wife's Super is still sitting in the fund untouched. To answer those who would think that I am open to my wife using up all the money in my Super then moving on with her own, I believe that I know her well enough to know that it would never happen, and I actually feel sorrow for those who would think that way.
    Old Geezer
    3rd Jan 2018
    11:58am
    We don't have any joint accounts and don't hold assets in joint names. However we have authority to use each others accounts if required. It is so much easy having nothing in joint names.
    ex PS
    3rd Jan 2018
    12:34pm
    I guess if it it works, it works, funny how people see things differently, I always imagined joint accounts to be the simplest method of sharing finances. But you obviously respect each others right to share financial responsibility and that is where I am coming from.
    Old Geezer
    3rd Jan 2018
    2:42pm
    We don't have fights with ATO on who has to pay tax on interest etc.
    Radish
    4th Jan 2018
    6:24pm
    What works for us (second marriages) is we only have one joint account into which our super pensions are paid. Everything is paid out of that.

    All monies each of us had prior to and after marriage are in our names and our own accounts.

    Neither of us have to ask the permission of each other to spend money (unlike many others I know). I have lady friends who sneak their purchases into the homes and change the price tags on clothing to let their husband think they got something on special when in fact they paid full price. Not for me!

    We can do as we like re what we spend but we are both very similar in the way we view money and neither of us are wasteful, gamblers, smokers or heavy drinkers....

    Never in 35 years have we had one disagreement about money and this ( hand on heart) is the truth.

    Anyway, this works perfectly for us.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    7:25am
    I can't say we've never had a disagreement about money, Radish, but I can say that we have joint accounts and everything is shared. My partner admits to being hopeless with money and therefore ASKS me to work out a budget that includes a discretionary spending allowance for each of us and to offer suggestions on how to achieve our financial goals. Neither of us restricts the other's spending in any way other than that we both agree to the budget and certain basic rules. If one of us wants to exceed the budget, we discuss it and agree on a way to keep both of us happy.
    We both work and contribute as best we are able. There's no competition! My partner retired early due to ill-health, and now is expensive to run due to health issues. I don't resent that. I've never tried to calculate how much each of us contributed to our current material status, because it's not relevant. Contributions can't be measured in money terms anyway. What is relevant is that we are partners, for better or for worse, in richer or for poorer. We look after each other, each contributing according to their capacity and each receiving according to their needs. I believe that's what marriage is all about, and I'm deeply grateful for a partner who agrees.
    Radish
    5th Jan 2018
    8:42am
    Second marriages can be tricky situations and each is different.

    What works for one may not work for another but if you and your partner are on the same page where finances are concerned you are very fortunate.

    If you have one a saver and one a spendthrift you can encounter all sorts of problems.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    10:13am
    True, Radish. Actually there IS one saver and one spendthrift in our partnership. It's a huge blessing that the spendthrift quickly acknowledged lack of discipline and agreed to comply with the saver's rules. When it became evident that doing so benefited us both enormously and enabled us to achieve financial goals the spendthrift had always been convinced were completely impossible... well, the spendthrift sort of reformed a little, and certainly was far more responsive to the saver's suggestions.
    Radish
    5th Jan 2018
    10:16am
    Yes, that is great if the spendthrift acknowledges the problem and is agreeable to change but it is indeed a problem for those who are not willing to compromise.

    Experienced that in my first marriage...if you are not pulling in the same direction I fear many marriages are doomed.
    Old Geezer
    5th Jan 2018
    4:08pm
    There is unfortunately no spendthrift in this household. The competition is more about who spends the least not the most.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    5:17pm
    We get that, OG. You are a miserable old egotistical Scrooge who thinks a pile of gold makes you superior I some way. And I guess your other half is just as miserable. Sad!
    Old Geezer
    5th Jan 2018
    6:27pm
    Ha ha Rainey. Try as I might I can't ever remember being miserable. Neither can my other half.
    Knows-a-lot
    8th Jan 2018
    4:10pm
    We only get miserable when Rainey spews her male-hating bile all over us...
    Knows-a-lot
    4th Jan 2018
    6:48pm
    Funny that the opening picture is of a woman having a heart attack when statistically that is more likely to happen to a man. This is yet another example of YourLifeChoice's blatantly sexist feminist bias.
    KB
    5th Jan 2018
    11:03am
    This is a serious topic about money. Many of the comments by are very negative and destructive. Younger people are expected to behave appropriately on the internet, Money does cause conflict om relationships. Some women are better at handling finances than men and versa. Men and women have different spending habits, Since the war years women have become independent by working . Women still earn less tham men. In a partnership bills raising children should be share equally, Partners should have their own bank accounts for their own I free spending, No Knows a Lot the woman in the picture is not having a heart attack merely looking distressed with her partner looking on.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    12:37pm
    KB, sadly there are some on this forum who are not capable of serious discussion and see every topic as a chance to insult, offend, and broadcast sick and prejudiced claims based on personal experience - often experiences that happened because of who THEY are. They just can't see that people respond to their appalling behaviour and if someone upset them, it's almost certainly because they mistreated that person and copped their due in response.

    I can well imagine women giving Tib and Knows-a-lot a hard time, and no wonder! I suspect they got a great deal less grief than they deserved. But then, maybe it's a ''chicken and egg'' thing - which came first? It's possible a bad experience made them nasty, but if so, it's time they grew up and recognized that one swallow doesn't make a summer, and being polite and respectful to others might open the way for a good experience to counter the bad. Or maybe just try to see the good in people. We are all flawed in some way (though OG will claim he is perfect and gloat!) If you look for the good in people, you usually find it grossly outweighs the bad in most, and where it doesn't, the bad people are a tiny minority.
    Knows-a-lot
    5th Jan 2018
    3:44pm
    "KB, sadly there are some on this forum who are not capable of serious discussion and see every topic as a chance to insult, offend, and broadcast sick and prejudiced claims based on personal experience - often experiences that happened because of who THEY are."

    You're talking about yourself again, Rainey.
    Knows-a-lot
    5th Jan 2018
    3:51pm
    "I can well imagine women giving Tib and Knows-a-lot a hard time, and no wonder!"

    Yes, because Tib and I have the balls to stand up to wimminist harridans.

    "It's possible a bad experience made them nasty"

    You confuse nastiness with truth-telling. It's (some of) the women here who are nasty.

    "... it's time they grew up and recognized that one swallow doesn't make a summer, and being polite and respectful to others might open the way for a good experience to counter the bad."

    It's time YOU grew up, took the advice of the aphorism ('men in your experience', remember?) and start to be polite etc. By the way, who the hell made you the manners police?

    "We are all flawed in some way"

    Yes - try recognizing the plethora of your own flaws, Ms Perfect.

    " If you look for the good in people, you usually find it grossly outweighs the bad in most, and where it doesn't, the bad people are a tiny minority."

    Rather too much of the rose-coloured glasses, methinks. Most people are stupid, selfish, ignorant, inconsiderate, unreflective, and greedy.
    OlderandWiser
    5th Jan 2018
    4:59pm
    Your last sentence certainly sums up you and Tib. Describes you perfectly. The rest of what you wrote is mostly BS from an immature Know-Nothing. All it does is reinforce how well you describe yourself in your last sentence.
    Knows-a-lot
    6th Jan 2018
    8:46am
    No, it sums you up perfectly, you evil ignorant harridan. Why don't you just go away and stop polluting this webpage with your toxic idiocy and stench? Parade your nescience elsewhere.


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