Beer, brothers and a brown lake

It’s the start of Good Beer Week, so how could we pass up the opportunity to entertain you with some beer and alcohol jokes?

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A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers, stretched apart: ‘Can I have five beers, please?’ 

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A Russian, an American and a Polish man stand by the lake shore.

Suddenly, the Russian yells, ‘Vodka!’ and runs towards the lake. As he jumps in, the water turns to vodka.

The Pole yells, ‘Beer!’ and runs towards the lake, and as he jumps in, the water turns to beer.

The American runs towards the lake and, as he approaches, he slips, sprains an ankle and yells, ‘Crap!’ as he falls into the lake.

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An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, sipping out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he goes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, ‘You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time.’ The Irishman replies, ‘Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself.’

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way – ordering three pints and drinking them in turn.

One day, he goes in and orders only two pints. The other regulars notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, ‘I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.’

The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. ‘Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,’ he says. ‘It’s just that I had to quit drinking for health reasons. It hasn’t affected my brothers, though.’

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Life and beer are very similar … chill for best results. 

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A mushroom walked into a pub. He asked the bartender to give him a beer. The bartender said, “I can’t, you’ll get too rowdy.” The mushroom said, “Oh come on! When I drink, I’m a fun guy!”

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, ¨Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

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Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?

A: Olive or twist? 
Do you a favourite beer or alcohol joke that you can share?

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