It’s the time of year when most minds turn to Christmas shopping and this was the topic of conversation at a recent barbecue Alex attended.
Somebody asked what the worst present they’d received – ever – on Christmas Day, and Alex won.
“My mother thought it would be funny to buy me something from Sexyland.
“That was awkward enough – it was a pair of underpants with something very rude written on them – but Mum had asked my son to buy them for her because she was too embarrassed to go into a Sexyland store.
“When my son walked in, the shop assistant asked, ‘Looking for a gift?’ to which my son replied: ‘No, something for my grandmother.’
“I guess you’ve probably heard and seen it all if you work in a shop selling sex toys.”
Erica had another story relating to a Sexyland.
“A catalogue landed on my dining table. I don’t know how.
“It featured a giant plastic ball that was big enough for a person to get inside. God knows why it was being sold in Sexyland. I probably don’t want to know. But I did think it would be a great toy at the beach. You could get in and ride the waves. And hopefully not get blown out to sea.
“The kids thought it was a hilarious suggestion and I was too shy to head into a store to buy it, so it never happened – regretfully. They dubbed it Mum’s orgy ball.”
“Every time I hear somebody mention that the certainties of life are death and taxes, I laugh to myself,” says Stuart.
“My father used to say that the other certainties are that your car will never run better than it does when you’re driving it to get serviced, and your hair will never look better than when you’re sitting in the barber’s chair waiting for a cut.”
More unsavoury things seen at the supermarket.
Ray recalls seeing a woman take a swig from a bottle of water then return it to the shelf. And Rae once saw a woman open a tube of toothpaste, squeeze some onto her finger and then rub it on her kid’s teeth.
The child didn’t like it, so she put it back.
Daniel was recently on a boat trip on New Zealand’s Milford Sound when his wife posed the question of whether he’d rather have a view of a beach or mountains.
Later on his holiday, Daniel conducted some research.
“I found that people who prefer mountain views are thinkers or like solitude, while people who prefer beaches like to entertain and be around others.
“So does our personality govern where we live, or does where we live determine what sort of people we are?
“I like solitude, but I live near the beach and I’m quite content. Perhaps I’d be a happier person if I shifted to the mountains.
“I fear that’s something I’ll probably never know.”
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