Who wants a new street directory?

Jan was in her local newsagent inMelbournelast week when copies of the latest Melway arrived.

It surprised her. She thought this once staple requirement – a book of street maps – was a thing of the past.

“I honestly thought navigational devices in cars and on mobile phones would have rendered the Melway obsolete, and when I said this to the newsagent he replied: ‘No, we sell out almost immediately.’

“Why do people still use a Melway when they’ve got simple devices at their fingertips? When Siri can talk me to where I want to go?”

Are you a devoted Melway, Brisway or Sydway user? Why do you prefer them to electronic navigational systems? We’d love to hear from you.

•••

You know you’re getting old, says Des, when you read the death notices in the newspaper every morning.

“My parents used to read them and I thought they were senile, but now I’m doing it and I completely understand why. I see somebody I knew at least every week.”

Personally, I feel old just reading a newspaper. Have a look around a train and see how many people do it these days. You’ll be the only one.

•••

In Victorian police circles, this is a story that’s been told over the years whenever members get together.

It probably varies from the original, but this is how we recently heard it. It concerns the police constable who was driving somewhere when his car hit a cat.

He pulled over, walked back and found the cat lying in a driveway.

It was dead, so, to make sure, he got a spanner out of his car and hit it. Then he went and knocked on the front door to see if anyone was home and let them know what had happened.

The old lady who answered was distraught. “She was 15 years old and I never saw her on the road. She used to sleep in the driveway every afternoon and get pats from the school kids walking past.”

And it was at that very moment that the police constable looked down the road and saw a dead cat lying in the gutter.

Oops.

•••

Overheard in a doctor’s waiting room:

Little girl, aged about three, turns to the elderly women beside her. “I’ve got a sore throat. What have you got?”

“I’ve got an upset tummy,” says the woman.

“It’s very fat. Is it too fat?”

Fortunately, everybody laughed.

This week we have a special offer. The member who sends Steve what he considers to be the best story, anecdote, memory or photo will receive a signed copy of his book In Black and White 2. And if you know someone with a milestone birthday or anniversary coming up, let him know. Email [email protected].

Related articles:
When plastic was fantastic
Travellers’ rookie error
Dead people’s teeth, she screamed

Written by Perko

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Confronted by a box of teeth, you would have screamed too.



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