Church bulletins to make you chuckle

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

retro cartoon of lady sitting at typewriter

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10pm . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm . Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours'.





    COMMENTS

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    shirboy
    17th Jun 2016
    12:15pm
    I have seen this before but I still laugh hysterically at all of these funny typing errors.
    Canman
    17th Jun 2016
    1:18pm
    Best laugh I've had in ages.
    missmarple
    30th Sep 2016
    11:39am
    yes Canman I had quite a few giggles too
    sunny
    1st Feb 2019
    3:28pm
    I received a question: Are you alright?
    I replied: Yes just laughing!
    The reply I got was: Sounded like you were crying hysterically!

    Those typos were so witty, lol
    Scrivener
    17th Jun 2016
    1:43pm
    Saw this recently in a church notice.

    Plumbers and friends prayer meeting at the parish church tonight. Highland dancing after that - please come and help us clean out the pipes.
    SKRAPI
    12th Jul 2016
    11:18pm
    We need all the laughs . Bring back Benny Hill
    FrankC
    2nd Jun 2017
    12:11pm
    Don't like your choice Skrapi, too smutty. Give me Tommy Cooper any time.
    PIXAPD
    3rd Aug 2016
    12:28pm
    The funniest of all will be... When atheists meet God
    Tom Tank
    30th Dec 2016
    10:34pm
    Especially when they find out he/she is one of the middle eastern people who spent time on Manus Island.


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