‘Commando’ golfing gals

Have a laugh at our ‘commando’ golfing gals and some dubious valet vending machines.

‘Commando’ golfing gals

Golf panties

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her distinct lack of underwear.

“Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?” Ole demanded.

“Well,” she said. “You don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”

Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers! Why not?”

She replies, “I can't afford any on the money you give me.”

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”

Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over to the tee. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked underneath.

“Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin’ hell are yer drawers?”

She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.”

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, “Well, fer the love 'o decency, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.”

Japanese Hotel Service

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo. Realising he needed a haircut before the next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically. “But down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.”

Sceptical, but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted 15.00 yen, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl.

Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and admired his reflection – it was the best haircut he’d had in his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, “Manicures, 20.00 yen”.

The salesman thought, “Why not?” He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, “This machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 1.00 yen”.

The salesman looked both ways, put one yen in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some trepidation, placed his manhood into the opening.

When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit, which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.





    COMMENTS

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    Yer man
    19th Jun 2015
    3:35pm
    Lady golfer tees off. She slices her shot and it heads towards an adjoining fairway. It hits a male golfer who falls to the ground screaming in agony his hands between his legs. The lady runs over to him apologising profusely. She tells the man that she is a nurse and knows what to do. She undoes his zip and gives him a message. After 5 minutes she asks him how it feels.
    'Bloody marvellous ,but my thumb is still sore .'
    Yer man
    19th Jun 2015
    3:50pm
    Somewhere in the south of Ireland the teacher asks the class
    'What was the name of Robin Hood's girl friend?"
    'I know dee answer,' says Paddy " It was Trudy Glen '
    'No it wasn't . It was maid Marion '
    'But miss it says in the song' -Robin Hood, Robin Hood ridin tru dee glen '
    World Prophet
    15th Aug 2015
    10:00am
    A GOLFER'S LOVE STORY
    Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise, and Ed fell head over heels for her.

    When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic.
    He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last

    On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket, and ask you a life- changing question,it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read aboutgolf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

    Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are, and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that, for the last five years, I've been a hooker."

    Ed replied, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball..."


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