8th Dec 2016
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Cracking Christmas jokes
Author: YourLifeChoices
santa pullinga funny face

Fall into the festive spirit with these cracking Christmas jokes.

A Christmas tale


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's knickers.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

Cheesy Christmas jokes


Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
He had low elf esteem

What do you call someone who is afraid of Father Christmas?
Claus-trophobic

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus

Who says “Oh! Oh! Oh!”?
Santa walking backwards

What is the Royal Family’s favourite fruit?
The Queen’s Christmas peach

Why is a sofa like a cooked turkey?
Because they are both full of stuffing

What do you call a phantom turkey?
A poultrygeist

What’s a popular Christmas book?
How to decorate your home by Miss L. Toe

What kind of underwear does Father Christmas wear?
Santa drawers

Why was the Christmas tree crying at Christmas time?
It was pining for its mother

What song did Santa sing at the football match?
Yule never walk alone

And don't forget to refresh your memories with our famous festive Christmas Crackers!

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