Friday Funnies: the best ‘did you hear’ jokes – volume one

Leon has curated a gallery of ‘did you hear’ gags that will have you in stitches.

Did you hear this weeks friday funnies

Did you hear the one about the Italian chef? Or how about the price of duck feathers? We've curated 20 droll ‘did you hear’ jokes for your chuckling pleasure.

Did you hear about the Italian chef?
He pasta way.

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents.

Did you hear about the man who drank five litres of tea?
He drowned in his tepee.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

Did you hear what the cannibal did after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his bum.

Did you hear about the young cat who went to work for the Red Cross?
She wanted to be a first aid kit.

Did you hear about the man who stole 10 bars of soap from a supermarket?
He made a clean getaway.

Did you hear about the man who put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week?
By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed optician?
He could never see eye to eye with his patients.

Did you hear about the paranoid bloodhound?
He was convinced that certain people were following him.

Did you hear that the price of duck feathers has risen?
So now even down is up.

Did you hear about the man who stole a truckload of eggs?
He has returned them. Apparently he only did it for a yolk.

Did you hear about the man who gave up his job as a fishmonger?
He said it was making him shellfish.

Did you hear about the school teacher who married a dairymaid?
It didn't last. They were like chalk and cheese.

Did you hear about the cat who drank three bowls of milk?
He set a new lap record.

Did you hear about the two ghosts who fell madly in love?
It was love at first fright.

Did you hear about the new movie in which a beautiful girl falls in love with a very ugly loaf of bread?
It's called beauty and the yeast.

Did you hear about the stonemason's son?
He was a chip off the old block.

Did you hear about the baby ghost who applied to join the football team?
He heard the manager say that they were in need of a little team spirit.

Do you hear the one about the YourLifeChoices’ members who had a good ‘did you hear’ joke?
They shared it with our members.

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