30th Nov 2016
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Friday Funnies: Five funny money jokes
funny money man

They say that money makes the world go ’round. They also say that laughter is the best medicine. So, what do you get when you cross money with laughter? Today’s Friday Funnies …

•••

When the lodge meeting broke up, John confided to a friend. “Mike, I’m in a terrible pickle! I’m strapped for cash and I haven’t the slightest idea where I’m going to get it from!” “I’m glad to hear that” answered Mike. “I was afraid you might have an idea you could borrow it from me!”

•••

After hearing a sermon on Psalm 52:3-4 about lies and deceit, a man wrote the IRS, “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If?I still can’t sleep; I’ll send the rest.”

•••

A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s banker, so the director made a phone call.

“Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?”

The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?”

“Um, no,” mumbled the director.

“Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?”

“I … I … I had no idea.”

“So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?”

•••

I took four tires to a friend’s garage sale and was asking $30 apiece. I needed to leave for a few minutes, so I asked him to watch them for me.

"Sure," he said. "But if someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"

"Try for more, but I will accept $15," I said, and left.

When I returned, my tires were gone.

"How much did you get for them?" I asked excitedly.

"Fifteen dollars each."

"Who bought them?"

"I did!"

•••

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he told her. "So promise me you’ll put it in the casket."

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says. "You didn’t put the money in there."

"I did promise him I would," the widow answers. "So I got it all together, deposited every penny in my account, and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

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    COMMENTS

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    Yer man
    9th Dec 2016
    11:11am
    Jock, lying on his death bed ,asks for his 3 sons to come see him .
    'I want to give each of you something that you will remember me by."
    The oldest boy asked for a tartan scarf. The middle one for a tartan tie .
    The youngest one asked for money.
    'Why son ?"
    'I've got a tartan trouble !"
    '
    GeeDub
    9th Dec 2016
    12:33pm
    Thanks for the jokes. Is it possible though (I suspect it is) for them to be 'de-Yankeefied' and made suitable for Australians of a nervous disposition? Like 'tires' and 'IRS' for example?
    leonYLC
    12th Dec 2016
    11:33am
    You make a good point GeeDub – we'll endeavour to keep them more Aussie in future!


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