Friday funnies – Beijing English

We’re not sure you would want to stay at this Beijing hotel.

Friday funnies – Beijing English

This extract from an actual hotel brochure in Beijing will be sure to make you laugh, but we’re not sure you would want to stay there.

Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.


    To make a comment, please register or login
    6th Sep 2013
    Hilarious, They obviously put it through an online translator.
    6th Sep 2013
    Absolutely marvellous. Passing water after getting off the plane is a must for me. Not sure that is what they had in mind
    6th Sep 2013
    i would like to know the name of this hotel. This is what happens when one takes the short cut.
    6th Sep 2013
    There are many signs in Beijing and other major cities that have been translated 'on-line'. One of our group a couple of years ago took photos of them all and posted them on Facebook to great hilarity. Do the Chinese authorities really not realise the absurdity of these brochures and signs or are they just acting 'tongue-in-cheek'.
    9th Feb 2018
    For the joke to work you don't have to lie and say it came from an actual brochure. Online translators can make some real bloopers but they don't manage to fit that many into every sentence. It's a joke folks. Don't be gullible.

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