Not many HR managers make it to heaven, but when they do, they create headaches.
A struggling zoo loses a popular gorilla to old age. Knowing they cannot afford to go a day without the gorilla, the zoo’s owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day, and to go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Quickly, the new ‘gorilla’ becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over the world are coming to see the ‘human-like’ gorilla.
After about a month, the craze has started to wear off. To get people’s attention back, the worker decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lion’s den next to him.
A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion’s den.
The man starts screaming "HELP!! HELP!!!"
Suddenly a lion pounces from behind him and whispers in his ear, "Shut up or you're going to get us both fired."
One day while walking downtown, a Human Resources manager was hit by a bus and tragically killed. Her soul arrived in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St Peter.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a HR manager make it this far and we're really not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in," the Saint replied.
St Peter put the HR manager in an elevator and it went down to Hell. The doors opened and the HR manager found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow HR professionals that she had worked with. They were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times.
They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. The HR manager was having such a good time, that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went back up to the Pearly Gates where St Peter was waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven," he said. She spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up and St Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.
The HR manager paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this. I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
St Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the HR manager went back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks for the evening meal. The Devil came up, put his arm around her and laughed.
"I don't understand," stammered the HR manager. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and grinned: "That's because yesterday we were recruiting you ... but today you're staff."
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