A man walks into a chemist with his eight-year-old son. They walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
To which the dad pragmatically replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh, I see,” the boy says, pensively. “I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display, picks up a package of three, and asks, “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool,” says the boy. He notices a six-pack and asks, “Then, who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“Wow!” exclaims the boy. “Then, who uses these?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March …”
A man enters a confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside, he finds a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there are decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. The man says, “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
He replies, “Get out, you’re on my side.”
A man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender comes over and says, “John, what happened to you? You have a black eye!”
John replied, “It was the craziest thing. I was in church yesterday, and the priest asks us all to stand. When we do, I notice that a woman in the pew in front of me is wearing a sundress, and she has a pretty bad wedgie. I thought, that can’t be comfortable, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and she turned around and hit me! Can you believe that?” The bartender just shakes his head and walks away.
The following Monday, John comes back into the bar. The bartender exclaims, “John, what happened now? Your other eye is black!”
John shakes his head … “I’ll never understand women. I’m back in church yesterday, and the priest asks us all to stand. When I stand up, the same woman is in the pew in front of me, again wearing a sundress. I looked down, and this time, she doesn’t have a wedgie … but I know she doesn’t like it that way, so I pushed it back in there!”