Friday Funnies: You never stop learning

A boy gets some basic sex education from his father.

Father and son laughing at a joke

A man walks into a chemist with his eight-year-old son. They walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”

To which the dad pragmatically replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”

“Oh, I see,” the boy says, pensively. “I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display, picks up a package of three, and asks, “Why are there three in this package?”

The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”

“Cool,” says the boy. He notices a six-pack and asks, “Then, who are these for?”

“Those are for college men,” the dad answers. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”

“Wow!” exclaims the boy. “Then, who uses these?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March …”

•••

A man enters a confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside, he finds a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there are decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. The man says, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

He replies, "Get out, you're on my side."

•••

A man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender comes over and says, “John, what happened to you? You have a black eye!”

John replied, “It was the craziest thing. I was in church yesterday, and the priest asks us all to stand. When we do, I notice that a woman in the pew in front of me is wearing a sundress, and she has a pretty bad wedgie. I thought, that can’t be comfortable, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and she turned around and hit me! Can you believe that?” The bartender just shakes his head and walks away.

The following Monday, John comes back into the bar. The bartender exclaims, “John, what happened now? Your other eye is black!”

John shakes his head … “I’ll never understand women. I’m back in church yesterday, and the priest asks us all to stand. When I stand up, the same woman is in the pew in front of me, again wearing a sundress. I looked down, and this time, she doesn’t have a wedgie … but I know she doesn’t like it that way, so I pushed it back in there!"

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    COMMENTS

    To make a comment, please register or login
    shirboy
    28th Apr 2017
    11:10am
    What is a wedgie?
    Old Geezer
    28th Apr 2017
    11:20am
    When a lady's skirt gets caught in the crack in her bottom.
    Jenny
    3rd May 2017
    4:56pm
    Thanks. Now I get the joke!????
    contomlon
    27th Jul 2017
    5:34pm
    Very helpful advice in this particular post! It’s the little changes that make the largest changes. Thanks for sharing!

    -- instagram video downloader --
    Yer man
    28th Jul 2017
    12:22pm
    Paddy had lost his favourite hat. He knew that Murphy had one . He decided to pinch Murphy's when he was at mass on Sunday. As luck would have it he was met by a very surprised priest at the front door and personally ushered to a seat. He sat through the sermon on the Ten Commandments.
    After the mass the priest collared Paddy and wanted to know what the special occasion was that prompted him to go to mass .
    'To be honest Father I came here with the intention of pinching Murphy's hat but after listening to your fine sermon I realised that I didn't want it ."
    "Praise be to God you have seen the light at last .THOU SHAL'T NOT STEAL "
    "No Father it wasn't that one . THOU SHAL'T NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. I remembered where I left me hat ."

    24th Oct 2017
    6:32pm
    Ha-ha. I just love these stories, especially the first one! I don't know why but i remembered college times... You never stop learning. Learning about life, learning school and very soon college courses. It is really great that it is quite possible to find some paper help in order to make your education process much more easier. But almost no one will help you in learning of life. You need to gain your own experience. Thank you for sharing and making my day!


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