Teacher: Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Parent: Yes, how can I help you?
Teacher: Hi, This is little Billy’s music teacher calling.
Parent: Oh, hi.
Teacher: Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Parent: Really? Wow! That’s..
Teacher: Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet.
My doctor said: “pick a star sign, any star sign”.
I said “Capricorn”. He said, “no, you have Cancer”.
A police officer stopped at a farm and demanded to search for illegal drugs. The farmer said that was fine but told him to stay away from the bottom paddock as he wouldn’t like it.
Agitated by this, the officer explodes. “Do you see this badge son! This badge means I can go where I please, when I please, how I please! You have no authority when it comes to telling me where I can go!”
The farmer nods and politely goes about his business. A short time later he hears screaming and looks to see the officer being chased by a big old mean bull. Just as it looks as though the bull is about to gore the officer the farmer drops his tools and run to the fence and screams “your badge, show him your badge”!
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the colour of the baby!
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years…
…but they’re having a really hard time putting their case together.
What’s blue and not heavy?