Friday Funnies: The truth about the French military

During the recent royal wedding, millions around the world saw that Prince William had chosen to wear a uniform that included the famous British red coat.

Many people asked, “why did the British wear red coats in battle?”

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began to question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, “Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don’t you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?”

In his casual, matter-of-fact way, the officer informed the general that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are wounded, the blood won’t show, and the men they are leading won’t panic.

And that is why, from that day forward, all French army officers wear brown trousers.

•••

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two men were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great . . . I would recommend it very highly.’

The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

•••

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question, “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”

HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not? Don’t you like being married?

HUSBAND: Of course I do …

WIFE: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

HUSBAND: Okay, okay, I’d get married again.

WIFE: You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND: Sure, it’s a great house.

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND: Probably, as it is almost new.

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would you give her my jewellery?

HUSBAND: No, I’m sure she’d want her own.

WIFE: Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: Yes, those are always good times.

WIFE: Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: No, she’s left-handed.

The wife is silent.

HUSBAND: Shit.

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