Friday Funnies: The truth about the French military

The history behind the French uniform feature in this week’s best jokes.

During the recent royal wedding, millions around the world saw that Prince William had chosen to wear a uniform that included the famous British red coat.

Many people asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?"

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began to question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his casual, matter-of-fact way, the officer informed the general that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are wounded, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day forward, all French army officers wear brown trousers.

•••

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two men were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great . . . I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

•••

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question, "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not? Don't you like being married?

HUSBAND: Of course I do …

WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: Okay, okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE: You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND: Probably, as it is almost new.

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would you give her my jewellery?

HUSBAND: No, I'm sure she'd want her own.

WIFE: Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: Yes, those are always good times.

WIFE: Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.

The wife is silent.

HUSBAND: Shit.

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    COMMENTS

    To make a comment, please register or login
    Paulo
    10th Nov 2017
    11:40am
    The ^joke^ about fench army officers is plainly abusive, insulting and racist. I expect, nay demand,better from lifechoices.
    Puglet
    10th Nov 2017
    12:14pm
    The first joke is racist and not funny. YLC please remove it. BTW Australians wear ‘brown’ trousers too so does the jibe about cowardice apply to our troops?
    Anonymous
    10th Nov 2017
    12:19pm
    You too Puglet.

    French and Italian tanks had three forward gears and ten reverse.
    Rosret
    10th Nov 2017
    12:26pm
    It is fine. It made me smile YLC. Not because it is French vs English just because that is how war is.
    Its called black humor.
    casey
    10th Nov 2017
    1:41pm
    Get a life, and a sense of humour whilst you are at it. ITS FUNNY, ITS A JOKE

    10th Nov 2017
    12:14pm
    Grow up Paulo you are in Australia now.
    Paulo
    10th Nov 2017
    4:03pm
    This is a problem with these open forums. Some people cannot help themselves but be abusive. At my age do not have much growing up and do not appreciate the lecture from someone who should know better
    Anonymous
    10th Nov 2017
    5:32pm
    If you think that my comment abusive then you are very thin skinned.
    Have a drink and relax.
    Viv
    10th Nov 2017
    12:37pm
    People of ALL races, in fact all non-human species as well, will defecate /urinate when terrified. It's an unfortunate consequence of our bodies automatically rushing as much blood (and therefore potential energy) as possible to the muscles in our limbs to ready us for the fight or flight response. And don't be offended at the implication that you would be terrified under fire. Everyone is. It's an instinctive reaction to a life threatening situation. Bravery is the ability to overcome terror. So there's actually nothing racist at all about the joke regarding the French, for it could be used with equal validity against any ethnic group.
    Teditor
    10th Nov 2017
    2:52pm
    Lighten up people, they are jokes, we make fun of ourselves also, are we that prudish now that everything we do and/or say is wrong.
    sageman
    10th Nov 2017
    3:50pm
    Hi jokesters,you might like a joke i posted accidently on the October 4th list with the heading "Clever kids and silly adults etc. It should have gone in the latest list i know so you might have missed it? Shouldn't offend anybody i think, It was in comments and was about Big John! Clean as i can get this time around, cheers!
    Loza
    10th Nov 2017
    8:02pm
    And so the world turns........but is it to the left or right
    Rosret
    11th Nov 2017
    8:53am
    Right....always right. Unless of course your map is upside down.
    However it always comes back to the same position just further along its cyclic track slowly expanding out into the universe.
    Deep - very deep.
    Abe
    25th May 2018
    10:10pm
    Rosret, apparently you never went to school. The Earth goes anticlockwise, looked at from the North Pole, that is why the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West. Duh !!!
    old frt
    26th May 2018
    9:19am
    Hi Abe , you obviously do not go by Macarther's universally correct map of the world .


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