16th Nov 2018
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You won’t be able to keep a straight face with these puns
Author: Olga Galacho
The Quick Brown Fox Jumped Over

This week, we deliver puns intended to make you groan. Or will they? As excruciating as silly humour can sometimes be, we believe we have discovered some corny one-liners and riddles from the Reader’s Digest vault that may just put a hint of a smirk on your lips. You decide. Are these jokes and puns bad, or what?

•••

My wife hits me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins before getting married.

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!

The past, the present and the future walk into a bar … that was tense.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I’m only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

Having sex in a lift is wrong on so many levels.

A friend tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realised that toucan play that game.

Bi-focals are God’s way of saying ‘keep your chin up’.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.

I was playing chess with my friend when he said ‘let’s make this more interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.

•••

Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow?
A.
As mushroom as possible.

 

Q. Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
A.
It ended in a tie.

 

Q. Why can’t Harry Potter tell between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?
A.
They’re both cauld ron.

 

Q. How much money does a pirate pay for corn?
A.
A buccaneer.

 

Q. Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
A
. It had too many sleepless knights.

 

Q. Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
A.
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

 

Q. What do you call a clown who holds the door open for you?
A.
A nice jester.

 

Q. How do you describe a belt made out of watches?
A.
A waist of time.

 

Q. Did you hear about the car mechanics shop that just opened?
A.
It comes highly wreck-a-mended.

 

Q. What did one boat say to another?
A.
Are you up for a little row mance?

 

Q. How do you drown a hipster?
A.
Throw him into the main stream.

 

Q. How many 16-year-olds does it take to change a light bulb?
A.
Whatever.

What’s the worst pun or riddle you have ever heard? What jokes always makes you laugh no matter how much you hear it?

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    COMMENTS

    To make a comment, please register or login
    B5YCK
    16th Nov 2018
    12:19pm
    Why be difficult as with a little bit more effort you can be impossible!
    sooty
    16th Nov 2018
    1:34pm
    I thought my nose was bleeding, but it's (not) snot
    Old Geezer
    16th Nov 2018
    2:50pm
    What word is spelt incorrectly in the dictionary?


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