Friday Funnies: Horsing around

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About a month ago, I was driving through the country when all of a sudden my engine cut out. I pulled over and got out to have a look. It was very dark, and I couldn’t get all those horror movies out of my mind, ,Bad things happen on country roads at night.

I was looking under the bonnet when I heard a voice, all ethereal and spooky.

“Check your spark plugs.”

I looked around and I couldn’t see anything so I ignored it and kept checking the engine.

“Check your spark plugs,” came the voice again. I looked around and couldn’t see anyone. So again, I ignored it, but I was getting more uncomfortable.

“Check your spark plugs!” came the voice louder now, and I turned around to see a white horse looking at me from a field. And lo and behold it opened its mouth and spoke: “It’s your spark plugs, you should check them.”

I was a bit shaken, but I checked my spark plugs and sure enough, they had shaken loose. I pushed them back in and was on my way – quite glad to be away from that creepy place.

I pulled into a pub a little down the road, quite shaken by the whole thing. The combination of the darkness and being stuck there was quite scary. The barman asked me if I was feeling alright. I looked a bit pale, so I told him my story about the horse and my car breaking down. Everyone around the pub listened in.

When I was finished the barman said: “Hmm, you’re lucky it wasn’t the black horse”, to murmurs of agreement from the people around.

“Wh…why’s that then?” I asked.

The barman replied: “He doesn’t know anything about cars.”

•••

A very poor man decides his last resort was to write a letter to God. His family is going hungry. He is behind on all of his bills. He is unemployed, and starting to grow ill. He writes “Dear Heavenly Father. I’ve no other resources. No other place to turn. I don’t ask for much. I really just need $1500 to catch up on my mortgage. Amen.”

So the mailman came by and picked up his letter addressed to God. He got a kick out of it and decided to open it up with his co-workers. They felt bad for the poor man and decided to scrounge up some money to help the old guy out. They mustered up about $1000 and dropped it in his mailbox in an envelope.

The next day they find another envelope addressed to God. They open it up and read: “Thank you God, so much! I knew we could count on you. Just an observation: Next time don’t send it through the post office. Those scoundrels took $500.”

•••

A rabbi and a priest are driving along when they crash into each other. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says: “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”

The priest replies: “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God.”

The rabbi continues: “And look at this. Here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

The priest asks: “Aren’t you having any?”

The rabbi replies: “No … I think I’ll wait for the police.”

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