Friday Funnies: The key to being a good bible salesperson

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A priest discovered several boxes of new bibles in his storeroom that he thought might be able to solve the church’s financial woes. At his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his terrible stutter.
Not wanting to discourage poor Louie, the priest decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday, which they did.
Eager to find out how successful they were, the priest immediately asked each of them how they went selling the bibles.
Proudly handing the priest an envelope, Peter replied, “Father, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here’s the 200 dollars I collected on behalf of the church.”
Paul, smiling said, “I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s $280.”
Louie silently offered the priest a large envelope.
“What is this?” the priest exclaimed. “Louie, there’s $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?”
Louie just nodded.
“That’s impossible!” both Peter and Paul said in unison. “We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could.”
“I think you’d better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie,” the priest enquired.
Louie shrugged. “I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know “f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,” he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. “For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!”
“A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,” Louis replied, “W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks —o-o-o-or— wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-justl-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it
t-to y-y-you?”

•••

A young boy walks into Costco looking for a job. The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “No, but I don’t think it could be too hard.”

Stung by the youngster’s abruptness he decides to give him a chance. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many sales did you make today?”

The kid replied, “one.”

“Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?” the boss asked.

“$121,723.46.”

“What the hell did you sell?” the boss asked.

“First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I sold him a new four-wheel-drive.”

The astounded boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?”

“No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, ‘Well, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing’.”

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2 Comments

Total Comments: 2
  1. 0
    0

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY

  2. 0
    0

    I was 14 years old when I heard about the fishing sale. And that’s a loooooong time ago. But it’s still a good one


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