Larry calls it like he sees it in this week’s best jokes.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.
The teacher asked , 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'
'No, ma'am, but I didn't like to see you standing there all by yourself!'
Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mum?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter,’ asked Larry 'are you giving up?'
Larry's class was on a field trip to the local police station where there were pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.’
Larry asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture? '
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape first.’
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the milkman wants to buy Mum!'
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him to a room and has him put the dog on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, ‘I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.’ The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, ‘I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.’
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, ‘$650’.
‘$650 to tell me my dog is dead?’ exclaimed the man.
‘Well,’ the vet replies, ‘I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.’
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