At St Peter’s Catholic Church, they have husband marriage seminars every week. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Well, I’ve tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best of all is, I took her to Italy for our 25th anniversary!”
The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us, what are you planning to do with your wife on your 50th anniversary?”
Giuseppe proudly replied, “I’m gonna go pick her up.”
A man and a dog are playing chess when a woman walks past in amazement. “Your dog can play chess? That’s amazing! What a brilliant dog!”
The man says, “You think my dog is brilliant? Pffft. Hardly! He’s pretty dumb, I’ve won most of the games we’ve played.”
Martians arrive on Earth and are peaceful and happy and everyone loves them. Obviously, humanity has loads of questions they’d like to ask them so the UN decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads attend to ask their most burning questions.
When it’s the pope’s turn to ask a question he says: “I was wondering … have you ever heard of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?”
“Jesus? Yes of course! He stops by our planet every couple of years and we all have a big party,” the aliens respond.
The pope looks baffled. “You must be mistaken … Jesus Christ was here about 2000 years ago but he left and we’ve been waiting for his return ever since. Why would he visit you so often?”
“Well …”, the Martians say, “… maybe your chocolate wasn’t good.”.
“Pardon me?” the pope replies.
“Well, when Jesus first showed up on our planet we gave him really great chocolate … what did you guys do?”