Friday Funnies: Why does Jesus prefer Mars over Earth?

Font Size:

At St Peter’s Catholic Church, they have husband marriage seminars every week. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Well, I’ve tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best of all is, I took her to Italy for our 25th anniversary!”

The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us, what are you planning to do with your wife on your 50th anniversary?”

Giuseppe proudly replied, “I’m gonna go pick her up.”


A man and a dog are playing chess when a woman walks past in amazement. “Your dog can play chess? That’s amazing! What a brilliant dog!”

The man says, “You think my dog is brilliant? Pffft. Hardly! He’s pretty dumb, I’ve won most of the games we’ve played.”


Martians arrive on Earth and are peaceful and happy and everyone loves them. Obviously, humanity has loads of questions they’d like to ask them so the UN decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads attend to ask their most burning questions.

When it’s the pope’s turn to ask a question he says: “I was wondering … have you ever heard of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?”

“Jesus? Yes of course! He stops by our planet every couple of years and we all have a big party,” the aliens respond.

The pope looks baffled. “You must be mistaken … Jesus Christ was here about 2000 years ago but he left and we’ve been waiting for his return ever since. Why would he visit you so often?”

“Well …”, the Martians say, “… maybe your chocolate wasn’t good.”.

“Pardon me?” the pope replies.

“Well, when Jesus first showed up on our planet we gave him really great chocolate … what did you guys do?”


Friday Funnies: The train delay

A child discovers the real reason behind grey hairs in this week's best jokes.

Friday Funnies: The exact change

A Polish driving test and a man with a talking emu feature in this week's best jokes.

Friday Funnies: The truth about the French military

The history behind the French uniform feature in this week's best jokes.

Written by Ben


Sign-up to the YourLifeChoices Enewsletter

continue reading


Another vaccine ruled out as second blood clot case emerges

Australia's Therapeutic Goods Association (TGA) has announced that a second case of blood clots is believed to be linked to...

Superannuation News

Super funds fight for changes to reforms

Your Super, Your Future legislation will be enacted within three months and leading players are weighing in on the impact...


Ambulance costs around Australia

There should be no hesitation when you have to call an ambulance in an emergency situation, but some people rushed...


Four tell-tale signs that you may have a blood clot

A blood clot is a clump of cells and protein in your blood. Blood clots form to slow down bleeding...

Finance News

How much you can save on electricity in your home state

As we prepare to head into the colder winter months, there is good news for those worried about heating costs...


What is thrombocytopenia, and why did it stop the AstraZeneca jab?

Anthony Zulli, Victoria University; Maja Husaric, Victoria University; Maximilian de Courten, Victoria University, and Vasso Apostolopoulos, Victoria University Australia's medical...


Ways to manage death anxiety

Winston Churchill once said: "Any man who says he is not afraid of death is a liar." But while it's...

Food and Recipes

Rick Stein's Autumn Vegie Soup

"One of the rather pathetic realities of the fact that so many of the restaurants in France are disappointing these...