Friday Funnies: The key to a successful marriage

An ugly baby and a father’s advice on marriage feature in this week’s best jokes.

bride and groom

A woman holding a baby boarded a bus. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathised and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

•••

An engaged man asks for his father’s advice to having a long and successful marriage.

“Dad, you and Mum have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?” he asks.

"That's easy son,”  the dad replies. “When your Mum and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions."

“Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision and what's a little decision?” the son asks.

"Oh, I don’t know,” the dad replies. There haven't been any big decisions yet."

•••

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and asks, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

As the woman leaves, the man starts to follow her.  But the boss says to him, "Where are you going?"

The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

•••

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the bedside table and a note from his wife: “Dear Jack, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you!”

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?”

“You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”

“So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”

“Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”

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