Friday Funnies: Two liners

Font Size:

Join us this week for some silly two liners from Bored Panda.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

•••

My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.

•••

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth and won a toaster.

•••

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.

•••

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

•••

Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never get to meet.

•••

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban at the zoo.

•••

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me poor and ugly.

•••

You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.

•••

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
The poor bastard.

•••

They keep saying, “Just say NO to drugs!”
But if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes …

•••

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey.

•••

What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.

•••

My family have a genetic predisposition for diarrhoea.
It runs in our jeans.

Did we forget any two liners? Share them in the comment section below.

If you enjoy our content, don’t keep it to yourself. Share our free eNews with your friends and encourage them to sign up.

RELATED LINKS

Friday Funnies: The funny side of serious

To whoever stole my antidepressants; I hope you're happy now.

Friday Funnies: Technical difficulties

Computer jokes for the computer whizzes and for those not so technically inclined.

Friday Funnies: Cold comedy

Friday Funnies rugs up against the winter cold and enjoys some cold comedy.

Written by Liv Gardiner



SPONSORED LINKS

Sign-up to the YourLifeChoices Enewsletter

continue reading

Superannuation News

Super fund recovery steps up pace

Long-term trends such as the digitisation or economies and work automation, which have been sped up by the COVID-19 pandemic,...

Finance News

Financial advisers lobby for permanent reduction in regulation

The financial services sector wants consumer protection laws watered down, claiming they are pushing the cost of financial advice beyond...

Legal & General

Is there a safe way to block estranged child from will?

Can Angie block an estranged daughter from her will without consigning her other children to a drawn-out challenge after her...

Health

How to stop gas pain

It’s normal to have some gas. But if the gas can’t easily get out, you may feel uncomfortable and bloated....

Chicken

Crumbed Chicken Three Ways

Discover how to make crumbed chicken with three different toppings, so you’re never short of a recipe again. Ingredients Main...

COVID-19

Over 50s to receive COVID jab earlier than expected

Australians over the age of 50 could soon receive the AstraZeneca vaccine earlier than expected after the states and territories agreed...

Lifestyle

Signs you order too much stuff online

Online shopping can be a dangerous hobby. A few absent-minded clicks on a lazy Sunday morning can empty your bank...

Food and Recipes

Vegetarian Biryani with a twist

Created by Iraqi chef Dhuha from Eat Offbeat, the New York catering company that employs refugees who have resettled in...

LOADING MORE ARTICLE...