Friday Funnies: Heaven is a place on earth, but where?

An American writer discovers the location of Heaven, and St Peter has his way with a lawyer.

A golden phone to talk to god

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from south to north.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ‘$10,000 per call’. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied,“It’s a direct line to Heaven, for $10,000 you can talk to God.”

The American thanked the priest and went on his way.

Next stop: Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign beneath. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando,so he asked a nearby nun about the phone’s purpose. She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven, and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

“Okay, thank you,” said the American.

He then travelled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same ‘$10,000 per call’ sign underneath.

Upon leaving Vermont, the American decided to travel to Australia to see if they had the same phone. He arrived in Australia, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read ‘40 cents per call’. The American was taken aback.

“Father, I’ve travelled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?” he asked the priest.

The priest smiled and answered, “You're in Australia now, mate – it's a local call”.

•••

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St Peter. But, to his surprise, St Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St Peter greeted him warmly. Then St Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, “I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”

St Peter replied, “Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”





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