How to call the police

Learn how to save money and the best way to call the police with these Friday Funnies.

How to call the police

One way to save money
A man named Marty called his son.

“Harry I have news to tell you, I know it’s going to upset you but I have made up my mind and there is nothing you can do about it. I have decided to divorce your mother.”

“But dad how can that be?” the son asked “you have been married for 40 years, and you always seemed to get along? What happened suddenly?”

“Son, I have made up my mind, and I don’t want you to try to convince me out of it,” said Marty.

“OK” the son responded “but promise me you won’t do anything until I come and talk to you in person, and I am going to ask all of the siblings to fly in also.”

“Alright” said the father hanging up “you have my word.”

“Well” said Marty, turning to his wife “I got them all to come in and I didn’t even have to pay for the tickets.”

How to call the police: a true story

How to call the police when you’re a senior and don’t move fast anymore.

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?”

George said, “No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.”

Then the police dispatcher said, “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”

George said, “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them.”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available.”


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    Pass the Ductape
    9th May 2014
    And that dear friends, is exactly about the size of it!
    Polly Esther
    9th May 2014
    As a joke it's very funny, may even be worth trying when you do need a cop, but unfortunately a lot of coppers these days anyway don't have a sense of humour. I can just picture it, coppers arrive, crack the shits, you're zapped with a stun gun, handcuffed and carted off to a rubber room.
    9th May 2014
    A relative had a similar situation with the Police except he wasn't joking. The house next door to us had been broken into and the offenders were still there. He called them and asked to be put through to Radio Control rather than have to waste time repeating the details. He knows Police Procedure or what it was then. We knew that if the lady was home she was alone as her husband had died only a few weeks before. When he told them that there was Police cars arrived very quickly - marked and unmarked. Unfortunately somebody else shone a torch in there and the offenders ran off. They actually broke 3 doors to get into the part of the house they wanted to get into. Had they gone in the front they had only 2 not as strong doors.
    They abandoned the items they had put out in the carport but found and took the deceased gentleman's jewellery some of which had been his parents. They may have been looking for his photography equipment but the bulk of it was stored out in the garage at the time. They were obviously going to bring a either a large vehicle there to collect it later, a few cars or they probably thought they had plenty of time. Fortunately the lady was not home as she had gone away to friends for the weekend but we didn't know. Somebody else was feeding the cat. The Police seem to think somebody definitely knew she was going away and was watching the place from the front which is on a corner of a busy street.
    I know a woman who has a vandetta against somebody and has made more false reports that the victim cares to remember. Apparently she has never been charged with making false reports and wasting Police time and resources. I don't think the Police rush to check out her allegations any more. One of the Police Officers is a friend and told the victim that she is a trouble maker and always will be when he saw him at a shopping centre when he was off duty.
    A. N. Onymous
    11th May 2014
    Although it may amuse us, the “true” police story is NOT true.

    See for the history of it and some comments including police responses along the lines of the comment from “The flying doctor”.

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