When it comes to a good joke, we think short and sweet is best. Try keeping one of these doozies up your sleeve to use at your next dinner party, when you’re in line at the bank, or in the doctor’s waiting room. We guarantee you’ll impress almost anyone. We did say, almost.
1. Recently, a close friend admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I questioned him on it he said he reckoned he could stop any time.
2. Ran into my mate in the doctor’s office this afternoon looking worried.
“What’s the matter?” I asked
“Doc’s just told me I’ve got the big C,” he said.
He shook his head, “Nah, dyslexia.”
3. I was minding my own business, just watching telly when my wife walked in and turned it off. After she left, I sat for a while and thought, that’s just not on.
4. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I arrived, I noticed four gravediggers carrying around a coffin. One hour later they were still at it. Those blokes must have lost the plot.
5. This morning I read in the newspaper that The Flintstones will no longer be permitted to be aired in Dubai. A spokesperson for the channel was quoted in the article as saying, “A claim was made that people of Dubai would not understand the humour of the show, but we have reports that prove they Abu Dhabi Do.”
6. I was at work at the bank when an older woman came up to me and asked if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint, I stood up and pushed the old dear over.
7. My son’s birthday is coming up and he’s been begging me for a pet spider. So I went to our local pet shop for a price but they were $70! No way Jose, I thought – I can get one much cheaper off the web.
8. I was on the train this afternoon when a funny man sat down next to me. He had custard in one ear and jelly in the other. He must’ve been a trifle deaf.
9. I haven’t been on any dates for a while so I bought a new aftershave that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it.
10. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Got a favourite joke? Share it below.