A bundle of laughs

Dan wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas party.

Dan is not normally a drinker, but the drinks hadn’t tasted like alcohol at all the night before. He doesn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he is feeling, he wonders if he did something wrong in his drunken state.

Dan has to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of Panadol next to a glass of water on the side table. Beside them is a single red rose.

Dan sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean; so is the rest of the house.

He takes the Panadol and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick.

“Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Jillian”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, a steaming hot cup of coffee, and the morning newspaper.

His 16-year-old-son is also at the table, eating. Dan asks, “Son what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, then you puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

Confused, Dan asks his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me.”

His son replies, “Oh, that. Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $7.20

Two Panadol $1.50

Saying the right thing at the right time… Priceless

Click NEXT to read more Friday Funnies

Five rules to remember in life
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble, and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems but, then again, neither does milk.

Click NEXT to find out how two nuns outwitted a sex offender in this week’s Friday Funnies
Two nuns
There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It was getting dark and they were still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It’s logical He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It’s not working.

SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

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