A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and
hands it back.
‘Oh my, I am so sorry,’ the woman says as she pops her eye back in
‘Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,’ she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her
deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful,
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The
guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
‘You know,’ he said, ‘you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
every guy you meet?’
‘No,’ she replies. . .
Wait for it. .
It’s coming. .
The suspense is killing you, isn’t it?
‘You just happened to catch my eye.’
A local Salvation Army office realised that the organisation had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the Salvation Army rep mumbled, “Um … no.”
The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”
The stricken Salvation Army rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated Salvation Army rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”