Autocorrect faux pas and bye mum

Autocorrect faux pas

Hi Bob,

This is Alan from next door. I’m sorry, buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck the courage to tell you to your face, but I just can’t, so I am at least now telling in text, as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.

The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you’ve left for work. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that’s no excuse I know.

The temptation was just too much … I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise you that it won’t happen again.

Regards, Alan.

What happened next:

Bob, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice, killing her instantly. He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone to respond to the neighbour’s text and saw he had another message: 

Hi Bob,

This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ‘wifi’ to ‘wife’. Technology eh?!

Hope you saw the funny side of that.

Regards, Alan. 

Goodbye mum

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If  he stopped, she stopped.  Furthermore, she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”

He answered, “That’s okay.”

She then said, “I know it’s silly, but if you could call out ‘Goodbye, mum’ as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, mum.”

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries.

“That comes to $121.85,” said the assistant.

“How come so much? I only bought five items.”

The checkout lady replied, “Yeah, but your mother said you’d be paying for her things, too.”