Blonde goes to church

A blonde hadn’t been to church for many, many months. She always promised to go, but never did.

One day, the minister was astounded when she suddenly rocked up for Sunday service.

Thereafter, she was at every Sunday service, every prayer meeting, and every home group meeting, etc.

Three months later, one Sunday after the service, the minister asks her, “What happened to you? You always dodged church and now it looks like you can’t get enough of it?”

She replied, “It’s this new car of mine pastor, they told me the warranty will lapse if I miss even one service!”

Funniest of the Fringe Festival

One of the biggest comedy gatherings on the planet, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival has been running for the last month. Here are the tip 10 jokes of the festival, as shortlisted by a panel of 10 judges and then voted upon by the public.
 

     1. Tim Vine

“I’ve decided to sell my hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.”

     2. Masai Graham

“I’ve written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set.”

     3. Mark Watson

“Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.”

     4. Beck Hill

“I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn’t work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.”

     5. Ria Lina

“I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me.”

     6. Paul F Taylor

“Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.”

     7. Scott Capurro

“Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying.”

     8. Kevin Day

“I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame ’cause halfway through he disappears up his own arse.”

     9. Jason Cook

“I’ve been married for 10 years, I haven’t made a decision for seven.”

     10. Felicity Ward

“This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it.” 



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