A man was walking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around angrily and kicked the lamp. Seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
The genie said, “Although you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss.”
So the man agreed and made his first wish. “I want lots of money”, he said. Instantly, $22 million appeared in the man’s bank account and $44 million in the account of his boss. For his second wish, the man wished for several sports cars. Instantly, a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared in front of him. At the same time, two of each car appeared outside the boss’ house.
“This is your last wish,” the genie said, “so choose carefully;” and to this, the man replied, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney…”
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get customer attention, he yells, “Dam fish, get your dam fish!”
A pastor hears this and asks, “Why are you calling them ‘dam’ fish?”
The boy responds, “Because I caught them in the local dam.
The pastor proceeds to buy a couple of fish and takes them home to his wife, asking her to ‘cook the dam fish’.
The wife responds shocked, “I didn’t know it was acceptable to speak in such a way as a pastor!”
He explains to her why they are dam fish and they prepare dinner.
Later at the dinner table, the pastor asks his son to ‘pass the dam fish’.
“That’s the spirit, Dad,” says the son, “now pass me those freakin’ potatoes!”
Every 10 years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words.
Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance.
He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad”.
Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard”.
A decade later, it’s the big day. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit”.
“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”