Computer Quips

Five Signs You Bought A Bad Computer

1.tLower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it.

2.tIn order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car.

3.tIn accessories in the start menu, it doesn’t have a start menu, it has an abacus.

4.tThe manual contains only one sentence: “Good Luck!”

5.tThe only microchip inside is a small Dorito.

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Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you’d have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason and you’d have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.

3. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single “General Car Fault” warning light.

4. People would get excited about thew new features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

5. We’d all have to switch to Microsoft Fuel ™.

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ODE TO A SPELL CHECKER

by Jerrold H Zar

I have a spelling checker.

It came with my PC.

It plane lee marks four my revue

Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,

Your sure reel glad two no.

Its vary polished in it’s weigh.

My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing.

It freeze yew lodes of thyme.

It helps me right awl stiles two reed,

And aides me when aye rime.

Bee fore a veiling checker’s

Hour spelling mite decline,

And if we’re lacks oar have a laps,

We wood bee maid to wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling

Is checked with such grate flare,

Their are know fault’s with in my cite,

Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does knot phase me,

it does knot bring a tier.

My pay purrs awl due glad den

With wrapped word’s fare as hear.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays

Such soft wear four pea seas,

And why eye brake in two averse

Buy righting want too pleas.

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Emo Phillips

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