One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn’t been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor said, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, “Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?”
The doctor replied, “You’re not drinking enough water.”
Some of the boys got together to play poker one Saturday night. After about four hours of playing, Jim had severe chest pains and suddenly he slumped over. One of the gamblers, who happened to be a doctor, examined him. To everyone’s surprise and shock, poor Jim had died of a heart attack.
None of his friends knew just how to break the sad news to Jim’s wife. Finally Floyd said, “I think that I can be diplomatic about it, and break the news to her gently.”
Floyd rang the bell at Jim’s house. When Jim’s wife answered the door, Floyd calmly said to her, “Jim just gambled with us and lost $3,000.”
When Jim’s wife heard this she said, “Just tell Jim to just drop dead!” Floyd replied, “That’s exactly what he did.”
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No from skipping!” Replied the blonde.