Cracking Christmas jokes

Fall into the festive spirit with these cracking Christmas jokes.

Let’s start with some cracking cracker jokes.


What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?
Sandy Claus.


What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck?
You get a Christmas Quacker!


What goes ho, ho, ho, thump?
Santa laughing his head off.


Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley.


Where do Santa’s reindeer stop for coffee?


Why did Santa quit smoking?
Because it was bad for his elf.


What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney while the fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle.


What do reindeers hang on the Christmas tree?


Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn’t chicken!


What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.


What do you call a snowman on holiday in the tropics?
A puddle.


Why didn’t the rope get any Christmas presents?
It was knotty.


How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter y.


A Christmas tale
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

‘In honour of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It’s a candle’, he said.

‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re bells.’

Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s knickers.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolize?’

The paddy replied, ‘These are Carols.’

Cheesy Christmas jokes

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
He had low elf esteem

What do you call someone who is afraid of Father Christmas?

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Who says “Oh! Oh! Oh!”?
Santa walking backwards

What is the Royal Family’s favourite fruit?
The Queen’s Christmas peach

Why is a sofa like a cooked turkey?
Because they are both full of stuffing

What do you call a phantom turkey?
A poultrygeist

What’s a popular Christmas book?
How to decorate your home by Miss L. Toe

What kind of underwear does Father Christmas wear?
Santa drawers

Why was the Christmas tree crying at Christmas time?
It was pining for its mother

What song did Santa sing at the football match?
Yule never walk alone

And don’t forget to refresh your memories with our famous festive Christmas Crackers!

Written by Liv Gardiner


How the angel got stuck on the tree

Have a laugh at our first round of Christmas jokes in this week's Friday Funnies.

15 things you can say only at Christmas

You can say these 15 things only over the Christmas period - so take advantage, we say!

Cheerful Christmas Jokes

Share the laughs and make your festive season funnier with with these cracking Christmas jokes.