Cruising funnies

The Webmaster has gone nautical with this weeks edition of Friday Funnies!

A magician was working on a cruise ship in. There was a different audience each week so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat”. “Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table”. “Hey, why are all these cards the Ace of Spades?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course! They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After about a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat?”


From a passenger cruise ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. “Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain. The cruise ship captain replied, “I’ve no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts.”


A panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a Princess liner about to embark on a three-day trip to the Bahamas. He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship telling him, … Beggars can’t be cruisers.


One day Banta walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a wonderful luxury cruise for only Rs 5000. I want to go on this wonderful luxury cruise.”
The guy behind the counter says “Sure. Do you have five thousand in cash??”
“I sure do,” says Banta, plunking the money down on the counter.
At that point, two big thugs leap out of a closet, whack Banta over the head, drag his unconscious body out the back door, stuff him in a barrel and drop the barrel into a river that flows past.
A few moments later, Santa walks into the same dingy storefront travel agency, holds up the newspaper ad and says: “I want to go on this wonderful luxury cruise.”
The guy behind the counter says: “Sure, you got the fare in cash?”
“Yeah” says Santa, slapping the money on the counter.
Again, the two big thugs leap out, pound him on the head, drag his limp form out the back door, shove him in a barrel and drop it in the river.
After a while, Santa and Banta regain consciousness, and they find out that their barrels are bobbing along together.
Banta says: “Good Afternoon. Tell me, do you happen to know if they serve dinner on this cruise?”
Santa shakes his head and says: “No, I don’t think so. At least they didn’t last year.”