Dad jokes

A father and son are driving past a cemetery. The father says “You know, that is the dead centre of town! It’s so popular people are dying to get in there!’”

 

A family are driving through the countryside. They come upon a field of black and white cows, and the father remarks “It must be cold out there, those cows are Friesian!”

 

Daughter: Where are we Dad?
Dad: In the car

 

Mum: Could you put the kettle on for me?
Dad: I don’t think it will fit!
Mum: Put the cat out
Dad: I didn’t realise it was on fire

 

Son: I feel like a sandwich
Dad: Funny, you don’t look like one….

 

A little boy walks into the room rubbing his eye.
Dad: What’s up?
Son: There’s something in my eye
Dad: They’re called eyeballs

 

Joan’s father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When her mother was sick however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

 

Joan’s dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green capsicums.

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