European standard language

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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20 per cent shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of  double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. 

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz  yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan  be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz  yer, ve vil hav a reil  sensi bl riten  styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. ??

Und efter ze fifz  yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

The cab fare

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you something, lady – I wasn’t staring at you like you think; that would not be proper where I come from.”

The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He paused a moment, then told her…”Well, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am thinking to myself, ‘Where in the hell is this lady keeping the money to pay for this ride?’

Now, that’s a REAL Businessman!

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