Faster than hell

Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed, and the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: “It’s gone! It’s all GONE!! I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait!” he screamed, “that’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?”

God just shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”


Dr Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started but never got around to finishing.

So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished and when I got home from work this evening, I finished off a bottle of Morgan, a bottle of chardonnay, a bodle of Vireve cliqoue, Bialeys dand a butle of vocda, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of a bota Prozic and Valum priscriptins, the res of the Chesescke and a bax a shocolets.


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”


Man: “I know how to please a woman.”

Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”

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Beyond Saving