An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.
He spoke softly to her, “Honey, can you hear me?” There was no response.
He moved a little closer and said again, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still, there was no response.
Finally he moved right behind her and said, “Honey, can you hear me?”
She replied, “For the third time, Yes!”
A woman walks into her local Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids.
“WOW,” the clerk exclaims, “are they all yours?”
“Yep they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, “Sit down Ashleigh.” All the children rush to find seats. “Well,” says the clerk, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your childrens’ names.”
“Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Ashley and the girls are all named Ashleigh.”
In disbelief, the case worker. “Are you serious?”
“They’re ALL named Ashley?”
Their mother replied, “Well, yes-it makes it easier.”
“When it’s time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Ashley!’ and’ when it’s time for dinner, I just yell ‘Ashley!’ and they all come a running. And if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell ‘Ashley’ and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Ashley.’
The clerk thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”
“Then I call them by their LAST names.”
A man bursts into his house and yells, “Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!”
She says, “Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?”
He replies, “I don’t care … Just get the hell out!”
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine October day.
One remarked to the other, “Windy, ain’t it?”
“No,” the second man replied, “It’s Thursday.”
And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a coke.”