Friday Funnies: Heartfelt humour

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Bonnie Tyler has released a video about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.

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To kill a French vampire, you need to stick a baguette through his heart.
It’s painstaking.

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A thief stole a woman’s heart, should he be cardiac arrested?

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I have a cardiologist friend who keeps sending me X-rays of his chest. It’s a little strange but it just goes to show that his heart is in the right spot.

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My friend made me a hearty beef stew.
I didn’t have it in me to tell him it was offal.

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My grandfather has the heart of a lion … and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of those.

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The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans over to Trump and says, “Did you know, with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in that crowd go wild with joy? Whenever they think of this day their hearts will sing with joy, bringing them all eternal happiness.”
“I seriously doubt that,” replies Trump. “All with one little wave of the hand? Show me!”
So, the Pope slapped him.

•••

Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.

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Why does the heart love music so much?
Because it loves the beat.

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Written by Liv Gardiner



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