Friday Funnies: Never argue with a woman who reads

One morning, a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day. She motors out a short distance, anchors and reads her book. Along comes a fisheries patrol. The officer pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning ma’am, what are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to write you up a ticket.”

“For reading a book?” she replies.

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he tells her again.

“But officer, I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start fishing at any moment. I’ll have to write you up a ticket and you’ll have to pay a fine.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.”

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the officer.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” he said and immediately departed.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.

Read more: 12 things my mum taught me

An elderly woman was running late for an appointment.

Travelling at 50km/h on a street where the speed limit was 40, a cop pulled her over and said, “Ma’am, can I please see your licence?”

She replied, “I’m sorry, officer, it was revoked two years ago for drink driving.”

His brow furrowed and he straightened up. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car?”

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She said, “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the boot.”

“Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for back-up.” He muttered furiously into his walkie-talkie.

Five minutes later, half the local squad pulls up and the chief of police walks over to the woman’s window.

“Ma’am, can I see your licence?” he asks sternly.

“Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out her licence from her purse.

He squints warily at it. “This looks legitimate,” he mumbles.

“Can I see the registration to this car?” She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.

“Ma’am, stand back!” He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches, but it was completely empty.

The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!”

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final model.

Why does it take one million sperm to fertilise one egg?

Because like all men, they won’t stop to ask directions.

Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?

Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.

How are men like parking spaces?

All the good ones are taken, and the ones left over are disabled.

I’ve received hundreds of responses to my ad seeking a husband, and they all say the exact same thing: “Take mine, please.”

Now that we’ve had a good dig at men, do our male YourLifeChoices members care to fire back? Post your jokes in the comments section below.

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Written by Janelle Ward