Friday Funnies: The postman

Font Size:

My postman friend gets really angry when I tell everyone what he does for a living.
I call him a mail escort.

•••

Q: Why would Prometheus make a good postman?
A: Because it involved a lot of de-livering!

•••

I scared my postman today when I showed up to the door completely naked.
I don’t know what scared him more, the fact that I was naked or that I knew where he lived.

•••

A husband and wife were doing a crossword puzzle.
The husband read, “Clue; overworked postman.”
The wife asked, “How many letters?”
“Thousands and thousands.”

•••

Sally announces to her mother that she is marrying the postman!
“What?” her mother exclaims, “but he could be your father!”
“Mum, age is just a number!” Sally retorts.
“No, dear, that’s not what I meant.”

•••

The postman told me he was going on holiday. I asked him if he was going to Parcelona or Istampul. He told he it was just a stag do with some friends. “Arh, an all mail party!” I exclaimed.

•••

A postman was delivering a package when an eight-year-old opened the door with a cigar hanging out of his mouth and a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Shocked, the postman asked, “Are your parents home?”
The eight-year-old replied, “Does it look like they’re home?”

•••

Never upset your postman.
He knows where you live.

•••

A postman is working his final day before retirement. He has been working in the neighbourhood for 25 years and the residents all know him well. On his final delivery round they give him cards and small gifts.

At one house, the door opens and the lady of the house invites him inside. She takes his hand and leads him upstairs to the bedroom. She makes love to him and then makes him breakfast. On him way out she kisses him on the cheek and slips him a $5 note.

The postman says: “Thanks for the breakfast and the amazing sex, but what is the $5 for?”

She smiles: “Well, when I found out you were retiring, I asked by husband what we should do for you. He said: ‘Screw that guy, give him a $5 note. The breakfast was my idea’.”

Did we miss any classic postman jokes? Share them with other readers in the comments section below.

If you enjoy our content, don’t keep it to yourself. Share our free eNews with your friends and encourage them to sign up.

RELATED LINKS

Friday Funnies: Pub jokes

Pubs in some states reopening after lockdown will raise the nation's spirits

Friday Funnies: Dad jokes

Is there anything funnier than a good old dad joke? Here are a few of our favourites.

Three side-splitting jokes about monkeys

Monkey see, monkey do, monkey make me laugh.

Written by Liv Gardiner



SPONSORED LINKS

Sign-up to the YourLifeChoices Enewsletter

continue reading

Finance News

How much you can save on electricity in your home state

As we prepare to head into the colder winter months, there is good news for those worried about heating costs...

COVID-19

What is thrombocytopenia, and why did it stop the AstraZeneca jab?

Anthony Zulli, Victoria University; Maja Husaric, Victoria University; Maximilian de Courten, Victoria University, and Vasso Apostolopoulos, Victoria University Australia's medical...

Wellbeing

Ways to manage death anxiety

Winston Churchill once said: "Any man who says he is not afraid of death is a liar." But while it's...

Food and Recipes

Rick Stein's Autumn Vegie Soup

"One of the rather pathetic realities of the fact that so many of the restaurants in France are disappointing these...

Government

Australians give big thumbs down to the public service

Only 27 per cent of Australians believe the public service acts in the public interest and only 22 per cent...

Brain health

Normal tension glaucoma linked to cognitive impairment

Australian researchers say they have established a link between the eye condition glaucoma and cognitive impairment, the state that often...

Lifestyle

Old wives' tales put to the test

Alice Shaw-Beckett, from cleaning company Cleanipedia, dissects 13 old wives' tales related to cleaning and pest control to discover whether...

Travel & Motoring

Consider this when deciding on a roadside assist deal

A reader raised an interesting point that I hadn’t considered before. When she bought her new car, it included -...

LOADING MORE ARTICLE...