Friday Funnies: Two liners

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Join us this week for some silly two liners from Bored Panda.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.


My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.


And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth and won a toaster.


I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.


I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.


Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never get to meet.


My grandfather has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban at the zoo.


Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me poor and ugly.


You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.


Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
The poor bastard.


They keep saying, “Just say NO to drugs!”
But if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes …


What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey.


What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?


My family have a genetic predisposition for diarrhoea.
It runs in our jeans.

Did we forget any two liners? Share them in the comment section below.

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Written by Liv Gardiner


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