Friday Funnies: Two liners

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Join us this week for some silly two liners from Bored Panda.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

•••

My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.

•••

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth and won a toaster.

•••

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.

•••

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

•••

Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never get to meet.

•••

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban at the zoo.

•••

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me poor and ugly.

•••

You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.

•••

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
The poor bastard.

•••

They keep saying, “Just say NO to drugs!”
But if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes …

•••

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey.

•••

What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.

•••

My family have a genetic predisposition for diarrhoea.
It runs in our jeans.

Did we forget any two liners? Share them in the comment section below.

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Written by Liv Gardiner



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