Friday Funnies: Saddle up for some unbridled laughs

Font Size:

A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?”

The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?”

The horse sniggers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

•••

A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, ‘Talking Horse for Sale.’ Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.

“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in Canada and helped keep the city clean, then I raced in Melbourne for a number of years winning numerous Group One races. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

•••

Q: You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe right beside you, and a lion nipping at your heels. What do you do?

A: Get off the merry-go-round and sober up.

•••

An outlaw rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The outlaw swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the outlaw bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in Houston.”

The locals murmur uneasily as the outlaw sips his drink. Lucky for them all, when he steps outside again his horse has been returned. As the outlaw saddles up, a local can’t help but ask, “mister, what exactly was it you had to do in Houston?”

The outlaw narrows his eyes and hisses at the man, “I had to walk home.”

•••

Two racehorses are in a stable. One says to the other, “You know, before that last race …”

“The one that you won?” asks the other horse.

“Yeah, before that race, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters.”

The other horse says, “Funny, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters before the race that I won.”

A dog walking by says, “You idiots, you’re being doped. They’re injecting you with a drug to make you run faster!”

The first horse turns to the other and says, “Hey, a talking dog!”

Join YourLifeChoices today
and get this free eBook!

Join
By joining YourLifeChoices you consent that you have read and agree to our Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

RELATED LINKS

The joke’s on the jockey

Track-side rib-ticklers to get your giggles racing.

Friday Funnies from the heart – for the heart

On World Heart Day, we decided laughter was the best treatment for a healthy heart.

Friday Funnies: It’s all in a name

This week's Friday Funnies have one thing in common. Can you name it?

Written by Ben

0 Comments

Total Comments: 0

    FACEBOOK COMMENTS



    SPONSORED LINKS

    continue reading

    Property

    Small bedroom tips to maximise space and style

    For many of us, house space is a fiercely contested commodity, and you need to squeeze the most out of...

    COVID-19

    Aussies much more willing to be vaccinated than Americans

    The United States has had nearly as many COVID-19 cases as Australia has people. More than 400,000 have died of...

    Stylewatch

    Goldie Hawn at 75: The Hollywood star's fashion and beauty evolution

    Goldie Hawn, one of Hollywood's most beloved stars, is famous as much for her acting talents as she is for...

    Government

    US still reels from the deadly consequences of 'alternative facts'

    Jennifer S. Hunt, Australian National University Every four years on January 20, the US exercises a key tenet of democratic...

    COVID-19

    Tennis stars call Australian Open quarantine 'insane' and like prison

    Entitled, pampered, whingers. Elite sports professionals victims of the greatest overreaction to COVID-19 in the world. Those are the poles...

    Finance News

    RBA reveals why retirees have to bear the brunt of low interest rates

    The Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) knows that the negative consequences of low interest rates disproportionately affect retirees, but believes...

    Diseases

    Blood pressure medication helps even the frailest seniors live longer

    Taking blood pressure medication as prescribed helps seniors aged 65 and over people live longer. And the healthiest older people...

    Estate planning & wills

    Common mistakes when writing your will

    It can be daunting and even overwhelming at times, but writing your will is an essential part of planning for...

    LOADING MORE ARTICLE...