Friday Funnies: The funny side of serious

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We all know laughter is the best medicine, which is why we’re prescribing a dose of these medical jokes.

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Therapist: “I’ve concluded that you are incapable of describing your emotions.”
Patient: “Well, I can’t say that I’m surprised.”

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Julia: “I heard you’re a hypochondriac.”
David: “Well, my doctor doesn’t think so, but I spent three days googling it and from what I can see I have all the symptoms.”

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After a health scare, I hugged my wife and whispered, “If something happens to me, there is a present in my closet that’s yours.”
She whispered back, “If anything happens to you, everything in your closet is mine.”

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People are always saying, “Take it one day at a time.”
But is there any other way to take it?

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To whoever stole my antidepressants; I hope you’re happy now.

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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?
Someone lying awake at night wondering about the true meaning of dog.

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Two psychiatrists passed each other in the street.
One said to the other, “You’re fine, how am I?”

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A nurse went to a job interview and was asked, “What do you think your biggest weakness is?”
He thought for a moment, “I’d have to say my biggest weakness is my brutal honesty.”
“I don’t think that’s a weakness,” said the interviewer.
To which the man replied, “I don’t give a F*%@ what you think!”

•••

A mother visited a pharmacy and said, “I’d like to buy some vitamins for my young son.”
“Vitamin A, B or C?” asked the pharmacist.
The mother replied, “It doesn’t matter. He can’t read yet.”

•••

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
“That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he replied. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

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Written by Liv Gardiner



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