‘He must be getting teeth’

I took my three-year-old Lilli and her little friend to visit their great grandpa at his age-care home and when we arrived he was asleep in his chair, drool spilling from his mouth. My daughter’s friend piped up and asked Lilli why he was drooling. Without missing a beat, Lilli replied: “He must be getting teeth.” With that memory in mind, here are some funnies from ‘the things kids say’ file.

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While working for an organisation that delivers lunches to elderly people, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”

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It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally, he said, “What’d he do?”

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A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.” “And why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you a headache next morning.”

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While walking along the footpath in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather… and unto the Sonnn… and into the hole he gooooes.”

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A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

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A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he leafed through the pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed between the pages. “Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear”? With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”

Have you got any inclusions for our file on the ‘things kids say’?

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Written by Janelle Ward

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