Hotel jokes

Hotel Translations

What do all those misleading descriptions of hotels really mean? We have provided a funny translation list, which from experience, seems to be quite true! Look at the phrase on the left and the translation is on the right!

Old world charm …………………………… No bath

Tropical ……………………………………… Rainy

Majestic setting …………………………… A long way from town

Options galore …………………………….. Nothing is included in the itinerary

Secluded hideaway ………………………. Impossible to find or get to

Pre-registered rooms …………………….. Already occupied

Explore on your own ……………………… Pay for it yourself

Knowledgeable trip hosts ……………….. They’ve flown in an airplane before

No extra fees ………………………………. No extras

Nominal fee ………………………………… Outrageous charge

Standard ……………………………………. Sub-standard

Deluxe ………………………………………. Standard

Superior …………………………………….. One free shower cap

Cozy …………………………………………. Small

All the amenities ………………………….. Two free shower caps

Plush ………………………………………… Top and bottom sheets

Gentle breezes ……………………………. Occasional Gale-force winds

Light and airy ………………………………. No air conditioning

Picturesque ………………………………… Theme park nearby

Open bar ……………………………………. Free ice cubes

Concierge ………………………………… Stand with tourist brochures

Continental breakfast ………………… Free muffin

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Mary Poppins was travelling home but, due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. “Certainly madam”, he replied courteously. “Is the restaurant open still?” inquired Mary. “Sorry, no”, came the reply, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?” Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. “Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please”, said Mary. “Certainly, madam”, he replied. “And can I have breakfast in bed?” asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. “In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please”, Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.

The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk. “Morning madam…sleep well?” “Yes, thank you”, Mary replied. “Food to your liking?” “Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional. I don’t think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though….they really weren’t that nice at all”, replied Mary truthfully. “Oh…well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion”, said the receptionist. “OK, I will…thanks!” replied Mary….who checked out and then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written: “Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!”

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22 Phrases Of Wisdom

1.tIf you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2.tAge is a high price for maturity.

3.tBy the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

4.tArtificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5.tIf you must choose between two evils, pick the one you have never tried before.

6.tSomeone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

7.tNot one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8.tIt is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9.tFor every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10.tIf you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11.tBills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.

12.tA conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13.tEat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14.tMen are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

15.tNo husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16.tA balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

17.tOpportunities always look bigger going than coming.

18.tMiddle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

19.tJunk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20.tThere is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21.tExperience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

22.tBlessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.