How to avoid the flu

  1. Eat right – make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
  2. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. 
  3. Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the lift, etc. 
  4. Wash your hands often. If you can’t, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
  5. Get lots of fresh air. Open doors and windows whenever possible. 
  6. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can. 
  7. Get plenty of rest. 

OR 

Take the doctor’s approach.

Think about it, when you go for a flu shot, what do they do first?

They clean your arm with alcohol.

Why? 

Because alcohol KILLS GERMS. 

So…

I walk to the pub. (exercise)

I put lime in my vodka.(fruit)

Celery in my Bloody Mary. (veggies)

Drink outdoors on the patio. (fresh air)

Tell jokes and laugh. (eliminate stress)

Then I pass out. (rest)

The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can’t get you!

The last laugh 

An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent.

“I bet $2000 I can bite my own eye!” 

The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. 

The old man bets $3000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there’s no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye.

Then the old man finally wagers, “I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop.”

The agent knows he won’t be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork.

The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning.

 “Are you all right?” asks the agent.

“No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you’d be happy about it!”



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