How to escape from a wrestling hold

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. 

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there was a simple informal test he could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 

“Here’s what you do,” said the doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.” 

That evening, Bert’s wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He said to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”

In a normal tone he asked, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” 

No response. 

So Bert moved closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeated, “Peg, what’s for dinner?” 

Still no response.  

Next he moved into the dining room where he was about 20 feet from his wife and asked, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again he got no response. 

So, he walked up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.

“Honey, what’s for dinner?” 

Again there is no response. 

Bert walked right up behind his wife. “Peg, what’s for dinner?” 

Peg replied “For  F*-#  sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”


Wrestling holds

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler’s trainer came to him and said “Now, don’t forget All the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that Hold! If he does, you’re finished.” 

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the inevitable happen. 

Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just In time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!” 

The wrestler answered “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”

The trainer exclaimed, “That’s what finished him off?”

“Not really. You’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.” 

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